The world as we know fell in a matter of days. The heart of the Earth died first, artic to the core, the planet stopped dead in mid orbit of the Sun. Frozen in an eternal winter, an undying winter. An icy plague infected the population, like a fire on open dry plain. Killing thousands in a mass annihilation of kingdoms as the frost grasped the lands in its frozen, merciless hand, breathing the death onto all it's inhabitants, cursing them. The only trail to be left was the ice and the Shadows; wisps of dark magic, apparitions from the nightmares of its victims, in the form of a dismal dancing flame. Desolation, destruction, death. All that could be seen along the circumference of the world. But the frost ran so deep, so far, not even the naked eye could observe the damage this abomination of a curse had truly caused. "Sekupheleni" it was called in the tongue of the Great Shamans of old. "The End", translated into the language of the natives to the three great kingdoms; Ignis, Umbra and Otium. - I am not sure whether or not I should continue this story. Please could you leave your opinion of whether I should or not, and obviously some constructive critism and comments would be greatly appreciated. But please no hate. Feel free to voice your opinion, even if you don't think this should be continued, but please take into consideration that I am still a kid, under the age of thirteen. Thank you for reading !
I thought it was a pretty cool idea. But, first, how would the world come to a sudden stop AND the core freeze up instantly or in an extremely short period of time. I think you should find some way to get rid of the Sun so the Earth will start floating away without a continuous orbit. Also, if you did this, the Earth would provide enough natural heat keep life sustainable. (To see more, go on YouTube and go to Vsauce. He should have a video something like What If The Sun Disappeared) so if you did it this way, you could talk about somebody who is still living, or act like this happened to you and tell it in a first person point of view. This way, I think there might be more of a story and I think it would be easier to conjure more ideas. Hope this helped and keep writing! You are really good but never be afraid to ask for criticism!
Thank you for your critism, I will definitely check that video out. It is a fantasy story so its based on a dark magic. Thank you very much again. I will work on this "prologue" in more depth and I will improve it. Thanks.
I would like to read more, but you have a couple of plot holes already. If the earth completely froze and everyone died, then how is this a story? Also, it would make more spence for the sun to go away rather than the earth to stop. Even fantasy stories can't always throw away all science... Unless that's your goal.
Not everyone died, however I do understand that Is not clear enough. That would be a good idea. Thank you for your comment/critism.
[color=808080]I will be carrying this on in my spare time. If you have any ideas, please pm me or post on this thread if you would like to. Thanks everyone for the feedback ! It is really appreciated ️[/color]