The King's General

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by -IROASSASSIN-, Jul 16, 2013.

  1. Prologue:

    To me soldiers, to me!" I shouted as I slashed and jabbed into the enemy's lines. I shouted again but to little avail. My troops were all either occupied with fighting for their lives or had perished during the ferocious onslaught. I viciously chopped down another of my enemy as I realized that unless our allies got here soon, I would join my fallen comrades. With luck, we might be able hold them until dark when we both would be forced to retreat for of the chance of killing their own troops was not a chance either general would make.

    I taunted the line of cowering enemy forces trying to fight anyone but me and my battalion. Smart. "YOU SORRY EXCUSES FOR MEN! HOW ON EARTH DID YOU EVEN BECOME CONSIDERED TO BE USED AS SOLDIERS? KING ALEXANDER MUST BE TURNING DUMB IN HIS OLD AGE!" This brought some of the more loyal soldiers to accept my challenge. My battalion beat them down before the realized just how great of a mistake they had made. At 18, I was easily the youngest general ever in the kingdom of Eton. The rest of the enemy ran back towards their general were they would be torched and whipped as cowards and deserters. The sun made my reddish hair look like fire which made me appear all the more deadly than I was. I looked around and saw my friend, Iko, slit the throat of a man twice his size. He saluted towards me, his dark green robes marking him as an assassin. I nodded and turned back to the battle, Iko guarding my back and me mowing down the endless enemy line. I knew that even we would fight through the night, we would tire and all inadvertently die.

    But then, to the right of King Alexander’s troops, came our allies, the dwarves. They brought fire bombs, catapults, and even a Bernimutes dragon from the southern mountains. Our kingdom's alliance with dwarfs had paid off. I again rallied the measly number of my soldiers to fall back as the enemy broke formation in fear of the fresh and might I add impressive warriors. At that moment the outcome of the battle was clear. The catapults threw the dwarves fire while the dragon simply ate and incinerated the horrified legions. That's about the time when I felt something hit the back of my head. Everything went black.

    I will post more as the week goes on, but I have not finished writing yet. Fell free to comment (not spam) on the story thread.

    Enjoy :)
     
  2. Age 15

    In the Kingdom of Eton, all children are given a choice of career. With complete confidence I chose an apprenticeship for the royal army school for military leaders, only available to royals and the royal orphanages. I came from the later. We orphans were and still are looked down upon by the royal blooded students and the teachers. Allowing us orphans to attend the royal schools is a subject of argument between the lords and our king, the lords saying that we don’t deserve any better. Our classmates don’t let us forget.

    On my way to my new, I guess you could call it, home; I encountered a not so pleasant surprise. Our group of three was halted buy a group of fourth year students much larger than us. We never stood a chance. Instead of being let of our first day of classes we were forced to limp around from the dorms to strategies to endurance to fighting skills and finally history. Nick, Louie and I were treated like beggars and like we were incompetent. The truth was that I was better at most of the classes than them.

    By the time I was 16 I had top marks in most of my classes and even the royal idiots didn’t beat up on me, as much. But the week before my 17 birthday, everything changed. The chief director called us all to attention in the main courtyard. “As I am sure you all have been wondering why I have called you here today.” He explained from behind his podium. “So I am going to keep it simple. King Alexander has declared war on King Brenton and our marvelous Kingdom of Eton.” He stopped waiting for the news to sink into his audience. Immediately conversations broke out around the courtyard. The Director raised his hand for silence. “But that is not the only news I have come to give. King Brenton has given me orders to choose four talented individuals to fill the missing spots and become commanders for his army.” He again raised his hand as excited whispering again broke out in the crowed. “So I have chosen the four most promising students and sent their names to our king. And I will announce them to you who they are, Tomorrow” he finished as he stepped away from the podium.
     
  3. give up. bad story. poor structure.
     
  4. ^Shut up, hes trying at least!
     
  5. Oh shut up Plane, what do you want, a set of gold stars? You only identify with the "victim" because no one stood up for you.

    Just a quick skim, Iron, but your flow doesn't seem to fit with my voice. Don't use caps for emphasis, and for the love of god use paragraph breaks. Return. Hit it. Twice.
     
  6. more paragraph breaks* goddammit brain
     
  7. Who would want a set of gold stars? Anyways im not trying to be the good guy here im just trying to show a bit of support.
     
  8. It's good so far. Why r u ppl so judgemental? Everyone has their own opinions
     
  9. Classes were canceled for the rest of the day and the courtyard was alive with conversation. I was talking to my friends from the orphanage, Nick and Louie.

    "Um, who do you think that the director picked, Seth?” asked Louie, “I bettcha that he picked you.”

    I stared at him.” You’re joking right; I’m not even a third year yet!” I couldn’t understand what he was saying, Louie was the most serious person I had ever met and it didn’t seem like he was being sarcastic. So I said “you really need to work on your sarcasm, even I couldn’t find it in there.”

    “No, I’m serious. Haven’t you seen the ways that the Director watches you? He treat you like you’re his son or something.”

    Nick chipped in, “You haven’t noticed, have you?” I thought about that for a while as I remembered the way the Director looked at me during fighting skills. Was I his son?

    Soon after, we were heading back to the dorms to rest for the ceremonies and farewell parties. I think I had more on my mind than anyone else.
     
  10. I apologize in advance for the painfully long chapter, enjoy!

    ---------------

    The following day, I woke up more tired than when I had fallen into a restless sleep. I had dreams full of violent fighting and a strange voice that kept saying something like, “Seth, I am your father.” Scary, right? Anyway, when I finally got out of bed I noticed a new set of robes. Looking around I saw that everyone else had gotten a robe too.

    I figured that they must be from our king because of the royal purple and the king’s stamp on the collar.

    I dressed quickly and hurried into the protocol lines for dress inspection. Our vice director, Clamp, as he insisted on being called, was protocol inspector for everything from clothing to strait lines and even penmanship.

    As he walked along our dorm house’s line, he seemed in a good mood throughout the entire line, that is, until he got to me. He stopped in front of me and looked at me with accusing eyes.

    “Seth, I believe you are forgetting something.” He frowned. I winced as he reached into his pocket were he kept his old leather glove there for this exact situation. But instead of pulling out his glove, he pulled out a shinning piece of bronze, used for seeing your own reflection in it. I looked at myself in the bronze, looking at my brown eyes for a second before my eyes drifted to my hair. Slightly longer than regulation, which was not quite past my ears but still long enough to be curly and just red enough to be considered a fire in the sunlight.

    I noticed the absolute mess it was in and quickly searched for my comb. Noticing my problem, Nick handed his comb to me behind his back. I soon had the disaster under control, and Clamp being satisfied moved on. I handed Nick back his comb, thanking him, just as the line started to move towards the courtyard.

    When we arrived, the celebrations had begun. Our line stopped in awe at the sight of so many people crowding the courtyard. By the looks of it, the majority of the nobles and ladies were here along with a few of their servants. Our dorm leader dismissed us and we spread out into the crowd with in our groups of friends.

    I soon lost track of Nick and Louie and ended up just wandering around the crowd. I listened in on some interesting gossip about the war and our enemy, the Kingdom of Casco. Their general, Lord Frost, had led his army to our northern boundary and was preparing to lay siege on Castle Tohee.

    Tohee’s chances were not good. Our king’s scouts had declared that their army numbered in the thousands and that they had many skilled fighters. One rumor also stated that our assassins were going to attempt to murder General Frost. The Director stepped up to the podium, and silence came over the gathered audience.

    “As you all know, I am here to announce our four most talented and respectable students will be sent to our glorious Capital, Castel Nox.

    But before we began, I would like to congratulate all of our Fourth year students who have made it through our vigorous training and advanced subjects, all of whom will be graduating at the end of this year, into high raking military or political positions” announced the Director.

    At this a cheer went up from all the fourth year students. Smiling the director asked all of the students to come up to the front of the courtyard and sit in the chairs. He announced that the names would be read in ten minutes and that everyone would please find a comfortable spot to watch the ceremonies.

    I started on my way to were Nick, Louie and I planned to sit, but was stopped by my tactics teacher, as he asked me to follow him. So, instead of sitting in the middle with the rest of the second year students, I ended up in the front row with the fourth year students and teachers.

    “Attention Lords, Ladies, Staff and Students, I am here to announce our king’s confirmation of my selected students has returned and has been accepted.” The director paused a moment for applause. “Though this list may surprise many of you I would like to ask you all to remain polite and respectful of your king’s decisions.” Many of the Lords glanced around in unease as he said this.

    I had a feeling something strange was about to take place. “I would like to add one thing before we start. This is one of the hardest decisions I have had to make in all my years as the Director of this school. Many more had potential to be generals but just barely missed the mark. Thank you. Now on to the selection,”

    “Our first choice as Third Royal General is Barton Hamilton.” Baron was definitely a good choice he exceeded in his fighting skills class and in the history of the fighting tactics. He was grinning from ear to ear as he walked up to the Director.

    The Director said something into Barton’s ear as he pinned the medal on his chest. I couldn’t hear it over the loud shouting and clapping of the audience, but it made Barton smile even more if that was possible. Barton was then led off the stage by Clamp. When Clamp returned the Director continued.

    “Our next choice as Western General is Demitri Gray.” Again another great choice, from the Director I thought. Demitri was also excelled in fighting but also was very good at tactics and endurance training.

    Though Demitri could have easily been one of the kingdoms royal spies, he had instead chosen to be a military leader. Demitri quickly strolled up to the podium where he was given his medal and led off stage, once again with much clapping and shouts.

    “Finally, as Second and Third Generals of the North are Seth Allan and Jane Fischer.”
     
  11. It's good. :)

    It's easy to ignore if u don't like it yourself, but judging other people's judgement of your judgement? REALLY? 
     
  12. Like*


    It's not THAT bad.
     
  13. Oh, and Bump.
     
  14. I suppose that this shouldn’t have surprised me the slightest, me having to sit in front, the Director looking at me during the speech yesterday and the warning of a surprise to the lords. Although, me being chosen was just as different as Jane being chosen, the combination of the choices led to a few seconds of awestruck silence and confusion.

    Unsure I rose to my feet and started walking towards the podium. Jane soon followed suite as one or two people clapped for us. Soon everyone was clapping, though not with as near as much energy or enthusiasm as with Demitri or Barton.
    As the Director handed us our medals, he whispered to us so quietly I could hardly hear, “I took a big risk choosing you two and luckily, the king agreed. Now you just need to prove yourselves to the people.” he smiled and sent us away with Clamp.
    Back by the other two new generals, we had to be fitted into our new robes as the Director finished his speech. The new robes were a deep red with the seal of the king and in my case the seal of the northern region. They were the robes of a general.
    When the speech finally came to an end, we were made to walk out in front of the podium.
    “Students, this is what you could become. They were all, more or less, normal" He glanced at me and Jane "when they came here with the rest of you, and now they are the strategy and encouragement behind our men. Soldiers will look up to and ask for advice, and you, my students, will be able to fill that role.
    You will be able to lead us to victory!” He shouted as the whole courtyard filled with cheers chants and battle cries from when the lords were in their prime. I will admit it now; these people filled me with pride and strength to tell myself: I am a general. I can win this war.
     
  15. After the ceremony finished, the celebrations continued and we were asked to have our portraits painted by the king’s royal artist. Each portrait took about an hour and we weren’t allowed to move. Not that I would have anyway, the thoughts, feelings and emotions ripped through my head. Why pick me? As a second year student, I had 2 years less training than the rest of the generals who were all fourth years. Not to mention I was an orphan and if Louie’s theory was right, then would the Director really sent his hidden son into main front of the war? I had no choice but to submit to a state of utter awe or to melt my brain.

    As our portraits were finished, we were let back into the courtyard and back into the festivities. As I returned, Louie and Nick meet up with me,
    "Great job Seth, I told you that you would be picked,” exclaimed Louie admiring my new robes. “But I can’t believe Director picked an orphan and a girl as generals and it’s even more bazaar that the king accepted it! I wonder what the Lords are going to do.”
    ”I doubt that they’ll do anything, the Director has a lot of influence with the king,” explained Nick.” So, when are you leaving?”

    “Well, actually I’m leaving tonight,” I told them. They both stared at me in shock.

    “Tonight! Why didn’t you tell us that before?” yelled Louie.

    “I just got back here”, I explained to a furious Louie and a gaping Nick. “Now, can you guys help me pack or are you just going to stare?”
     
  16. very interesting! Nice story
     
  17. KEEP IT UP! Unlike others -_- I think it's really good ;)