Anyways, here's an update!! ~~~~~~~~ It's Friday, one week later. When I got home today, I went up to my room. Now, I am sprawled across my bed. I really don't understand Earl. He was so funny before! Though I hate to admit it, I kind of liked the guy. Not in a romantic way, of course, but he was just... fun. When I thought about it honestly, I realized that I had always had a pretty nice time with him. 'But then...' I thought to myself, 'but then, there's that.' I felt haunted by his expressionless face. The face that had found it's way into that day in the lunch room. The face that now covered Earl's face all the time. It was the face that never changed. He was never angry, funny, or happy anymore. The last time I had seen him was earlier today, after school.... I was walking around the back of the school. I had been heading to the route I normally take on my way home. My neck felt prickly, like I was being watched. When I glanced over my shoulder, I noticed Earl behind me. He was just looking up from his shoes when I turned away. And his face was dark and hard, the way it had been all week. It was truly frightening, that face. I had pretended that I hadn't seen him. "Oh you're going to do that, now?" It sounded like he said. I wasn't sure if he wanted me to hear it, because I couldn't really understand it through the wind. He was still twenty steps away when I stopped and looked at him. I was determined to get some kind of answer about his odd behavior. "What did you say?" I asked him. I had been queasy inside at my words; I hadn't intended for them to come out so cutting, so hard. I remember justifying myself: Why shouldn't I treat him the way he was treating me? "I like you." It was a windy afternoon, and I couldn't quite catch the words. Did he just say he liked me? Did he say 'like' or 'liked'? I thought it sounded more like 'like'. Was this some kind of love confession? My determination vanished and I just stared at him, shocked and empty, mind blank. In the same breath he continued, not giving me a chance to do or say anything, "I know better than to waste my breath with you." With that, he continued on his way. I didn't want to just stand there with my mouth open. I pivoted quickly, and walked back the way I had come. It probably looked stupid, but I walked tall and straight, as if I had a purpose. I didn't look back to see, but somehow I knew he didn't either. He had just kept walking on his way, leaving me in the dust. When I had gotten around the corner, I stopped, breathing hard. For some reason, tears burned in my eyes. And why had I walked back that way? I remember I was just completely confused. I had waited at least ten minutes, just to make sure he was gone before I went home.... What was that? I threw my pillow at the wall. What was with that? What did that even mean? How can he say he liked me, and then say that he wouldn't waste his breath on me? What's wrong with him?! I don't know what he was thinking; I never have. 'I like you.' Isn't that something a nice guy would say to a girl? Isn't that something she should have been happy with? Wouldn't they both have been happy? 'I know better than to waste my breath.' What the hell does that mean? Does it mean I'm unworthy or something? How does that mean phrase even fit together with 'I like you'? Were we ever even friends? Had we ever even been friends? I haven't communicated with him for even a month yet, but I thought we were more than strangers. I feel restless, uncomfortable. The sprawled out position I'm in is terrible. I curl up into a ball, but that doesn't help how I feel at all. Stupid Earl. He made me feel like crap emotionally and physically. What did I ever do to him? Well, actually.. there have been a couple things I said in the past, but that doesn't even justify this! I hate him so much right now, but when I think of hating him, I just feel worse. In a typical situation like this, I would go walking. I would exhaust myself so that I couldn't be uncomfortable or think. But, after today... I can't go walking, because I might run into him again. Walking. I snorted, thinking of how concerned I've been about Earl. Because of him and his weird behavior, I had been walking every day of the week. I had been wandering around the area by the park, in hopes that I might run into him. My heart surged with anger again as I thought of how he acted today. Even though I was worried about his strange behavior, he treated me horrible. Even though we had sort of become friends, he treated me like crap today! Why? I had so many disturbing questions, and no answers. I picked up my pillow, and screamed into it. I then stuffed my face into it, laid down, and try to stop thinking. I eventually fell asleep and have a nightmare. Stupid Earl. ~~~~~~~~~ I cried a little, writing this. Someone did that to me in the past.