Happy Thanksgiving! 10 people are coming to my house for dinner, 25 more are coming for dessert... -.-
Alright, I'm thinking 'bout a story. I'll post first chapter on here later to see what you guys think
Ugh I hate lurking. Anyone vaguely care bout me I was a bit grumpy last time I was on cause I was quitting I kind of failed at that though, anyway how's ff doing.
(The Real Deal) Prolouge: He crept through the hall, feet not making a sound, the lace curtains shining soft moonlight into the rooms, but he had only one in mind. He kept one hand on his shruikens, looking around, making sure he wasn't being followed. He found the door, and slid some wax onto it, and opened the door without making a sound there either. The room was large, curved roof, and clothes strewn about the floor, and the sleeping prince on a velvet couch, sleeping. The moonlight filtered over him through a small window above the couch, but the ninja drew one of his shruikens, making a small sound, and the prince jumped to his feet, his sword suddenly appearing in his hands. The ninja threw the shruiken, but with the grace of a well-trained warrior, the prince twisted his sword to an angle, sending the shruiken flying away from him. His clothes, red shirt, elaborate cut hair, and blue eyes made him look like a child. The ninja drew another shruiken and threw it, this one tipped with deadly poison. It found its mark, and the prince looked at him, a hollow look in his dead blue eyes, then collapsed like a falling tree trunk, with a resounding thud, and the ninja slid through the window and sprinted off into the cover of the forest, leaving no trace that anything had ever happened in that beautiful city of Harlan.
Chapter 1: News in the Kingdom "Sir! Sir!" The servant stumbled to the King, having just found the dead prince in his room. The King turned, "Yes, Cameron?" Cameron was just a small boy, no more than thirteen, but had a big heart and courageous spirit. "Sir, the prince has been found dead in his room! A shruiken potruding from his chest!" The King's usually calm brown eyes flashed with a steely anger, knowing the shruiken was a trademark of the ninjas, who had always hated the city of Harlan, and all warriors. The servant scuttled behind the King as he strode with an air of importance to the prince's room, and came in and knelt next to his son. "Jarod..." The King took the shruiken out of the prince's chest, with a deep reluctance, and tossed it away. He turned to Cameron. "Alert the militia. I want everyone on guard for attacks. Now!" Cameron turned and bolted off, almost flying, right to the North Tower where the militia resided. He poked his head in the militia leader's room, who's name was Commander Latowksy. "Sir?" Cameron looked around the room, but the commander was nowhere to be found, and ran back to the King, and put his hands on his thighs, trying to catch his breath. He wheezed out, "My King..The commander is gone!" The King stood. "Cameron, I need you to alert the kingdom. We are now on high alert." Cameron nodded, and without another word, went through the courtyard with symbols engraved in it, with a fountain sparkling in the center, giving off a misty rainbow, to the stables, and took a chesnut mare, saddled it up, hopped on with a horseman's grace and agility, and sped toward the city of Harlan, a few miles off.
A actually I'm suprised to say not to bad(no offense) of course there are a few parts that don't connect very well but that's an editors job to find the you have to up 500 commas and semicolons in in places that you have no idea where the **** they are.
And also, if it's really bad, I'm sorry, but I'm on my iPod doing this, but I'll still do my best to find those commas and semicolons, Ty
At one part you say "He had only one in mind" but the sentence before that you were talking about lace curtains shining moonlight so I assume you meant he had only one THING in mind. There's a few situations like that which are unclear.
Alright. I'll work that out to fit. Lol, I already see what I did. I meant to add another part after the lace curtains. "He looked into each room, each one revealing another member of the royal family, but he had only one in mind."