TBOS Feedback

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by LemonWithAHintOfAssClown, Sep 30, 2012.

  1. Just post feedback here please. Not at the story.
     
    #1 LemonWithAHintOfAssClown, Sep 30, 2012
  2. 2 early to tell about it yet and it has a very abrupt ending to the first chapter but otherwise keep it up! Im sure ull make this into a gd story!
     
    #2 hellomelinck4321, Sep 30, 2012
  3. Normal normal normal suddenly magic. Too fast of a pace imho.
     
    #3 Allioss, Oct 1, 2012
  4. normal guy must have been watching some stimulating things to stimulate in so quickly of a fashion
     
    #4 MM__WhineyCrybaby__MM, Oct 1, 2012
  5. Chapter 2 released. YAY! Thanx for reading:)
     
    #5 LemonWithAHintOfAssClown, Oct 1, 2012
  6. Chapter 3 is out! It is short and boring and seems hurried. That is only the character of the deputy headmaster. I hope you are enjoying so far. I promise the next chapter will be better. (I am writing this as a school project so it will not be written on an even schedule.)
     
    #6 LemonWithAHintOfAssClown, Oct 3, 2012
  7. Ummm.. Whats up with the \( • _ • )/'s? kind of distracting. About the story, very rushed. :|
     
    #7 *-IRONDAGER- (01), Oct 4, 2012
  8. I agree. I suffer the same problem of rushing stories. I feel like there is a whole lot you could expand on, and also that it gets too much dialogue at times and not enough description. I also feel like you could get rid of the face thing and put it ----- or something less distracting.

    Your story has a whole lot of potential, and I believe in you!
     
    #8 Bremen, Oct 4, 2012
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