Behind their field of vision, Cheese was sneaking out the back, Before anyone could react, he was gone
Irin sheathed her sword and watched Gloomi walk in. She looked sad, so Irin asked, "Is everything alright?" Then she saw a second Star. She cautiously fingered her throwing knife, just in case. The last time she saw something like this, chaos erupted.
Then Reg went to sob in a corner because nobody was reading her story. She sucked her thumb and rocked back and forth... back and forth.... in a hypnotic motion.
The second star checked his watch and ran out the door. "Cheese tracker." The real star said, not looking enthusiastic to explain more.
Cheese noticed the tracker and the magic forces around him, and disappeared completely. No tracker or magic could see him now! He was one hundred percent invisible.
Reg then put on her invisibility glasses and shook her head in dissapointment. She had been expecting more if a challenge!
SNEAK PEEK: Chapter Five The Revealing In the Forges The heat of a fire causes a haze. Now imagine a haze and how it moves. Now try and imagine a haze actually shimmering, although it looks like it's already shimmering. That's how it looked before they appeared. It was a group of people. Four women, one of them's eyes glowing green, another with a teenage looking female in her arms both with silver hair and a different color streak in it, the last with a crown on her head. And a man, who I hadn't seen since he was a baby, he was on the ground and bleeding. The wound was deep, and in his belly, possibly penetrating his stomach… Who knows, I'm not a doctor, and he wasn't very close to me. “Arilo Drega, ΩΕΣΑΔ evla pragu.” Cygnus whispered in his native language. “Dear God, Jerad is dead.” Crinus translated. “HELP US!” Lynet pleaded. Crinus slowly walked up to them, bending down next to Jerad, he unlatched a pouch on his belt. Reaching into it he brought out a small glass flask. He handled it with extreme care, knowing the fragility of the flask, and the importance of it's contents. “Water from Coral Wells…” Cygnus said in awe, to scared he would break it if he touched it, he took a step back, giving Crinus some space. The water swirled Dark Blues and Greens. Crinus gently opened the flask,and slowly poured a tiny drop into Jerad's mouth. It started out as a small gurgle, but soon all you could hear was the roar. Water rushing through Jerad's body, sealing the wounds. Sitting up Jerad began to cough and sputter. His eyes fluttered open. “Despair!” he gasped. “Jerad!” The women with curly silver hair with Dark Blue streaks in it said, gently laying down the teenager. Her eyes slowly began turning black. The room temperature dropped by about 30° Aramanth. “Stop! Do not cool the flames of the forges!” Cygnus screamed, grabbing Despair's arm. Frost began climbing up his arm. “I can't move, help me!” he pleaded to Lynet. Lynet, still in a state of shock, just simply stared at Cygnus. “Why are your eyes red?” she asked him calmly. “Because of the flames.” he said, his red eyes pleading. The frost was climbing from his neck to his mouth. Lynet's eyes began to swirl a dark grey, with small minuscule yellow lines appearing every so often, like a thunderstorm. She slowly started to lift off of the ground… A loud boom rang throughout the forge. A streak of lightning, it's spidery tentacles reaching across the sky. Lightning is hotter than the sun, Lynet thought. It's a wonder every time lightning strikes it doesn't singe our eyebrows or set our hair afire. The fire of the forge crackled, and the thaw was immediate. Crinus stood up just as Lynet reached the ground. “Now let's see about this poor girl.” he said. He got on his knees beside the teen and put his index and middle finger, together, on her neck. “She's dead.” he announced. “We must cremate her.” Despair said. “I'm sure that's what Hope would want.” Cygnus now fully unthawed bent down and lifted her body and brought her over to the furnace. He gradually put all of her body into the flames. “We'll collect the ashes later.” he said.
not bad but there's the part where it says quote: "Four women, one of them's eyes glowing green..." You should change it to: Four women, one had eyes glowing green...." And also: remember that eye's=eye is eyes=eyes