The 10 step reverse break up

So I had been dating this girl for a while, and while things became and remained very serious for her I was ready to be on my way out. Nothing against her, I just was heading in a different direction and focused on the new stuff going on in my life. After a certain amount of time and stagnation it’s just better for everyone involved to close out a relationship instead of continuing to keep dragging it on when you know it’s going to inevitably end anyway, right?

The problem was this: Due to her being close to other girls I was into along with the perks of being her friend, I needed her to end the relationship so we could stay on good terms. So I began the process of the 10 step reverse breakup...

Step 1: Talk about where you see the relationship going, your relationship goals and things to improve upon. Then mysteriously forget about them all, and never mention the conversation again.

Step 2: Change the premiss of the relationship. You started out with common interests and a unified agenda. Now change that and don’t acknowledge you’re changing it or turning your relationship into one exactly like that couple you know and always make fun of.

Step 3: Ignore her suggestions and demands. You used to be interested in pleasing her, so you listened carefully and made changes to keep her happy and interested. Not anymore.

Step 4: Focus on stuff she didn’t care about nor want. Is she asking to go on that cruise next weekend? Surprise her and take her tire shopping. Then talk about how nice those new tires look.

Step 5: Bore her by continually doing the same thing over and over, week after week. Act like the fact you changed your shirt should make the same thing feel new, and it’s her fault for suggesting otherwise.

Step 6: Advertise your single friends to her. Absolutely not people you wouldn’t benefit from her being with, just advertise the ones you’d end up prospering from.

Step 7: Completely stop replying to her texts, leave them read or send a generic reply.

Step 8: Start coming up with outrageous stuff in the relationship that she should pay for, just to keep the relationship “going”

Step 9: Make sure any glimmer of hope you’ve given about a return to the good old times is thoroughly stepped on and crushed to smithereens.

Step 10: When it’s finally all too much and she drops build, lists her grievances and swears to never spend anymore money on the relationship until things change for the better, do not respond. Watch as she drops build and then allies, gives away all her charms and the new pimd stuff, and you never see her again. Then hopefully, if you did it well, she will hook up with one of those other games you created and advertised while she was with you. But let’s be honest, probably not, if you like them they are probably going to turn out just as bad as you.