Welcome to elite-ghoomba's Guide to being a Noob Table of Contents What is a noob? Types of noobs How to be a noob Being called a noob How to respond with words How to respond with actions What do noobs say? Mannerisms Wc Cc The Forums Spelling, grammar, mechanics How can I benefit from being a noob? Section 1 What is a NOOB? A noob is a new player to the game. However, they either won't or can't learn to play. They are always annoying and unruly, immature and aggravating. They spam and curse, breaking most, if not all, of the rules they agreed to when they started playing. Noobs are not to be confused with newbs. A newb is a new player who shows promise. They are willing to learn and accept advice. They are easy to teach and easy to talk to. They don't lose focus easy and show a desire for understanding. Section 2 What do noobs do? There are a few forms of noobs: The social noob- these noobs attempt to gain fame by conversing with experienced players. Most fail miserably and are to stubborn to give up. They try and try again again. Socializing with them is boring and if held up for extended periods of time, you may actually lose brain cells due to stupidity. The loner noob- these noobs will go on their own way begging off people at every given oppurtunity. You can find them mainly on wc looking for hires or volleys or free clans they can own. The tough noob- these noobs will put on a display of false bravado when confronted. Will attempt to make witty comebacks when mocked. May even go as far as to attack or threaten you. These noobs are the most fun because they fight back while doing minimal damage. That covers the basics of types of noobs. The most important part is discovering what form of noob you want to be, once this is done, the rest is easy. Section 3 How to be a noob. Being a noob is easy but tiresome job. There are many duties you MUST uphold. 1. Perhaps the most important job of a noob is to Annoy the living **** out of everyone you see! Whether it be: 1. Asking for hires a. Be absolutely sure to NEVERsay please or thank you. Be rude at all times. b. Always always always ask complete strangers. If you see someone with 50k or above stats, whether you know them or not, ask them to hire you. c. While asking for hires be sure to check that your stats are terrible for your hiring price. 5b for 20k combined is a good example d. Always check to make sure that you offer nothing of value to your "lucky" new owner. Have no prior experience of the game or how it works. Ask him/her for help and don't listen to any of it. None of it at all. 2. Asking for clans a. As with the hires, be sure to make the world chat a main target. Sit vigilantly and watch for people advertising a new clan. Proceed to wall them and ask if you can have the clan. Remember, don't say please or thank you! This is very important! if they say "no", ask again. If they say "no" again, say please. If they refuse once more, call them a body part, preferably something to do with reproductive organs of either gender. 3. Arguing and Clan Wrecking a. Wherever you may be, cause mayhem. If you're in a clan, be as immature as possible! Say things that a first grade male would sat. Be sure to mention farts and stupid things like that often. b. If you're in the forums and engage in an argument, deny everything that is your fault. Make stupid pointless threads often and make sure they serve no purpose rather than to just be there. If losing a argument or called out on a stupid post, make sure to come up with lamest possible excuse. Popular ones like: my brother did it, or I was just kidding, don't cut it nowadays so be creative and humor everyone with your stupidity. c. If given admin in a clan, find someone you don't like. Kick them from the clan. If someone notices and calls you out, kick them too. Be sure to kick all the other admins, this way you can rule the clan whilst the owner is away. Cause lots of problems by, farming other clans OSFs, starting wars with much stronger clans, bring problems to ANY clan you go to! Make sure to start something with someone and then search for a clan. Being called a noob. 1. How to respond with words. When called a noob, it's always better to respond. The thought of "if I'm quiet they'll leave me alone", should NEVER enter your little mind. Always come back with a stupid remark that takes as little though as writing your name or walking, unless you can't do those either... For example: Noob: hire me pl0x! Experienced player: Shut up noob Noob: you're a noob! Experienced player: no, youre the noob Noob: your mom is a noob! A perfect example of what to do when called a noob. Think easily and quickly. Don't process yourthoughts abd blurt out first that comes to your mind. 2. How to respond with actions Be sure to whine and complain. Don't simply attempt to defend yourself, make an ass out of yourself in the process. Do something drastic, making ye another thread perhaps, declaring war on the person who angered you. Wall them and tell them to go to hell or something. These are all beautiful choices of nooby actions when called a noob. If they don't respond, do it again. Section 5 Mannerisms Noobs have a certain way of speaking that helps to better identify them as a noob. It may vary depending upon where what they're saying is being said. a. As stated earlier, wc isn't a place for chatting with friends. It isn't a place for broadcasting important messages to everyone online at the current moment. The wc is primarily for: asking for hires, asking for volleys, aslking for clans, asling for little girls. Clans and hires have already been covered, let's move on to pedophiling shall we? A pedophile is an adult who gains sexual pleasure by sexual actions with minors (rough defintion). A synonym for pedophile = noob. To be a noob, you must go on the wc and ask for little girls preferably aged 10-13 to wall you. Through walling you can attain a messenging service username( ffm, palringo, etc.) once on said apps, you will attempt to sext with them or get them to send racy pictures of themselves or others or whatever it is you're looking for. You, as a noob, are looking for everything you can get. Because, you are a old, likely bald, fat man living at home in your parents basement. Your desperation drives you to childrens games to look for your sock desires instead of using google. This is very important, all the cool noobs do this. If you're feeling reall noobish, try some role reversal. Instead of praying on little girls, be one you sick ****. Just say something like: "I'm a hot sexy 14 year old girl wall me for my ffm and we cab get dirty !" Things like this set little boys off if that's what you want. Using this method, you can even find other pedos! It'll be like a family reunion! What fun! Moving on to cc... 2. The clan chat, Be a complete butthole here. This is a place where you can feel free to bypass chat filters and post whatever you want without fear of being silenced or banned. Here, you can be as sick as you want because if you get kicked, there are thousands of other clans you can join. Remember to be very immature and make corny unfunny jokes as often as possible. Display your ignorance to the game every now and then to remind everyone that you're a noob, but you're their noob. 3. The forums The Best place to be a noob! On the forums, there are lots of people who openly show hatred for all noobs. Farming them and picking on them. Now is your chance to do some lasting damage on their free time. Make a minimum of 5 new threads a day. At least 3 should contain no more than 3 words in original post. The other 2 should be either repeats of ones you've made or repeats of ones someone else made that day. Make "hire me" threads and "can you give me a clan please" threads at least once a week. If told to never post the forums again, post them twice as much. Attempt to start a movement, like abolishing noobs and have the thread receive less than 3 posts. Make 10 guides on things everyone knows how to do without it being funny or pleasing to read. Talk like you know what you're talking about when you clearly have no ******* idea. Talk about the old days of KaW and how great they were even though you just joined in late December 10'. Make "noob pics" and make them a signature. Post them everywhere you post something. Sometimes, post the picture by itself even though it has nothing to do with the thread topic. If someone tells you it sucks, post it again and ask of it looks better now. Find your first one a success and make 10 more, all equally as lame. spelling, grammar, mechanics Never ever proofread anything you post: Ifd yoir pos lioks like this. who gives a ****? You don't. Shorten your words: Rite like dis b cus the ppl u r tlking 2 can read it jus fine Use numbers to replace letters: 1 4m l337 y0! Th15 l00k5 gr8! Be sure to use incorrect contractions. Watch what you're saying. If you don't write correctly, you will have the grammar Nazis all over you. You're = you are Your = belonging to you They're = they are There = somewhere not here Their = belonging to them How can you benefit from being a noob? Simple, being a noob makes a ton of friends! If you want to be successful, folie this guide to the "T". I don't know why that means what it does, but follow this perfectly and you'll be famous, rich, you'll have 10 clans, a level 10 castle, and you'll be a moderator. These are only a few of the wonderful benefits of being a noob, be the best you can be, and you might find more. Good Luck Future Noobs! to all you that know me, if you honestly think I legititamely made this guide with intent to teach people how to be a noob, I'm dissapointed in you. However, I hope you at least chuckled quietly to yourself like I know I did while making it. Thank you for reading
A while ago... I've been gone for like 2 weeks now maybe? He went to the sub clan and left Benny in charge I think.