This is a story me and -Kill- are writing together. We will be taking turns posting each chapter so both of us will be posting. -Kill-/CoS-Paradox/InsaneParadox came up with the original idea for this story. Please do not post on this thread. Post on the feedback thread. Thank-you We hope you enjoy the story! EDIT: April 24 2012, InsaneParadox will be finishing/continuing this by himself from now on Prologue A soft whirring sound emitted from John Smiths chest. John felt vision returning to his eyes. Slowly but consistent. Time to wake up John thought. Despite being awake, it was still pitch black. Being a robot had its rewards, especially a large metal robot but as John started to sit up but found himself stiff. "CARROTMUFFIN!" He yelled Suddenly all the blue rock candy lights turned on in the room. "Sorry Sir!!" Carrotmuffin said meekly approaching John Smith with a tin of oil. Carrotmuffin was a small, short muffin that smelled like carrots. Both of his arms and legs are long and thin unlike his family. "Now get these joints oiled!" John commanded. Carrotmuffin quickly oiled all of Johns joints with a shaky hand. He hoped he wouldn't be stuffed in the compost box like the last muffin who had this job. Once his joints were oiled John got up shoving Carrotmuffin to the side on his way outside. John pushed back the heavy black velvet curtains that covered the makeshift balcony connected to his room. Below, two muffins stood guard outside the cave entrance, they were weary and tired from the night shift. John strode over to the edge of his balcony and looked around. Light had flooded the island valley hours earlier giving everything a light pink glow. John could see the endless ocean that surrounded his island. It looked like it just went on and on and on but John knew this wasn't the case. Thousands of pine trees covered the outer valley, in the heart of the valley was a large village. No one in the village knew John Smith lived up in the mountains, John made sure of it. People were already wide awake in the village. Children ran around, calling to their friends, dogs, cats and goats roamed free. Elders and adults sat around knitting or pursuing boring jobs. John started to turn around but an odd and repulsive scent reached his robot "nose". John didn't really have a nose, it was a simple mechanism that allowed him to smell. This scent made John shiver and want to throw up. John spun around and his eyes zoomed everywhere to pinpoint the smell. Finally he found it. Cookies. Two children and one elder held a baking tray filled with cookies. They were going door to door giving them out. John wanted to scream. Disgusting cookies!! John smelled the cookies again and doubled over, almost short circuiting himself. "I will destroy every cookie in the world if it's the last thing I do!!" John yelled then he ran back inside his room. Due to the cookies John missed a gorgeous view of the sun and hovering in the water on the horizon was a small dot getting closer.
The Ocean of Sugar The cool fizzy waves lapped on the sweet hull of the "Lollibird". The sunlight beated on the cold sea, warming it up intill the fish complained. A echoing sound filled the air, the atmosphere was static as the cola started to bubble. Everyone held their breath as the waited for whatever was emerging from the depths of the ocean. A golden rimmed curved spike rose from the brown 'water', the main part was crimson, scales flaking off the solid mass. The spike circled the boat in a threatening manner, trapping the sailors far at sea, away from home, and solid ground. The noise reverbarated under the boat again, shaking the hull in terror. A body arose from under the sea, it was attached to the spike, a fin. The sailors sighed in relief as a massive fish came out of it's liquid cave. The animal opened its massive mouth and let out a long moan that sounded like a mix between a pop of bubblewrap and a D.J scratching their deck. A whirl was emitted, Bob stared at the fish. "FRED! Do Gigalodan fish normally whirl at you?" "No!" "Well this one did!" "It's most likely your imagation!" "Ok, thanks Fred!" The fish stared at Bob the pirate, something was different about this Gigalodan. Its eyes were bright red colour, a silver circle rimmed the eyes of the fish. Every so often the circle rotated and that's when the whirl came. "Meh, must be nothing," Bob said as he paced up and down the pirate ship's lollipop floor. He walked over to Fred, his eyes locked on the sea, he was so fixated on the waves that he jumped out of his skin when Bob tapped his shoulder. "Do you know where the rod and cutlass are?" "Yeah, they're in Capn's cabin'" Fred said, his eyes not leaving the icy grip of the water. Bob calmy jogged over to the captain's cabin when the new protection system kicked "*BZZZT* IDENIFY YOURSELF! *BZZT* YOU HAVE TEN SRCONDS BEFORE LASER TERMINATION! *BZZT* TEN! *BZZT* NINE *BZZT* EI-" "Bob Fishy Sushi Pirate Twicken," The protection system's eye scanner shot forwards and shoved itself into Bob's face. It was a simple rubber tube with a metal coat and a glass 'eye' on the end. If you looked at the centre of the eye you could see a network of lasers shooting about inside it. After it was satisfied with Bob it then spoke with its metallic voice and said "*BZZT* RECORDED ID, PASS THROUGH THE DOOR WITHIN FIFTHTEEN SECONDS OR FACE ELIMINATION! *BZZT*" As the doors to the cabin slid open. The cabin was lit by lanterns with root beer flames, lighting the room with a orange-brown colour. The walls were made out of oak wood and the floor was bamboo matting, in the centre of the room was a mahogany table littered with maps, compasses, star charts and horoscopes with 'Capicorn' circled in permanent red marker. Surrounding this 'master' table were twelve smaller tables, each one represented a star sign. In the middle of every table was a glowing symbol, the star sign it was. For each and every table there was a useful item/items to help the primary item and a weapon. Since it was August, Leo was bursting with golden light, on it was a curved knife and an ink pen with inkwell. Etched on them were the sign of the table, which glowed with light. Bob looked around the room, searching for the fishing rod and cutlass. On Cancer sat a fishing net, a rod over it and a cutlass crossing over that. Bob hastly picked the items up and rushed out to find some bait. Luckly for the pirate the fish had moved so it was in front of the bait box. Bob put a gutted trout on to the hook and tossed it over into the sea. The hungry Gigalodan gobbled the dead animal up and got its gum trapped in the sharp metal and was quickly pulled onto the ship. The last thing it saw was a cutlass stabbing its eye. <F…Foo…Foolish humans.> [Sending distress signal radio call] <They do not realise the vital importance of my well…well…well being> {Giga drone 1C3Z69! What is the problem?} <Pirate capturage, send troops A.S.A.P!> {Sending S.W.A.T distress squad and raider squad} [Disconnecting radio call] <Ha! Foolish pirates.> [Starting vision reboot] [Reciving radio call] {Giga drone 1C3Z69! Your life tracker is fading! What appears to be the problem?} <Nothing! I can not think of anything wro-> *WEEEP! NE NOR NE NOR! WHOOP WOO WHOOP!* All the pirates on deck could hear the sirens of the police boats in the distance. "ALRIGHT YOU USELESS PILES OF PUKE AND CRAP! SOMEONE OR SOMETHING HAS ALERTED THE ROZZERS ABOUT OUR STASH OF CHOCOLATE COINS! Or something else" Captain Scott Cutlass Pillow Pirate screamed, quietly adding the part at the end. "Ooh" "Who was it?" "I think it was Trevor," "It can't be!" "Yeah yeah'" "'e 'ad 'is tongue cut out 'e did!" "Really?" The pirates whispered, spreading false rumours. "SILENCE YOU SCUM BAGS! IT WAS CLEARLY WILLAIM OVER THERE!" Scott shouted "LOOK AT HIS EYES! LIKE SAUCER THEY ARE! PERFECT FOR SPOTTING HIDDEN CHESTS FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH CHOCOLATE TASTYNESS!" And so Willaim was given the tickle torture, but did not tell them anything about telling police when he spilled his secrets. He was later sentenced to death by milkshake. He finally cracked after his fourteenth grass flavoured shake. Willaim was inoccent. But if he was inoccent… Who told the cops?
Who let the dogs out The police boats soon surrounded the Lollibird on the port side. "O fudge...they sent the raider squad!" Captain Scott muttered. All the pirates gazed out at the motorboats. Everything but the motor, bench and wind shield was made of marshmallows. Everyone knew they were the fastest fleet of boats known in all of the cola ocean. Properly dubbed the White Pearls. Only disadvantage is that they could be sunk easily. Each boat was manned by 3 serious looking dogs in blue police uniforms. One boat at the front had a flag flying. "THEY are the most feared police fleet in the cola sea?!" Bob scoffed "Yeah..." Fred answered slowly his eyes not leaving the boats. "But they're...they're...DOGS!" Bob burst out "Dogs that stand on their hind legs." Fred corrected. "Bob, Fred BE QUIET!" Scott hissed then he stepped forward in front of the other pirates. "Hallo there!" Scott called out with a fake smile to the dogs on the boat with the flag. "S..Scott C..Cutlass Pillow Pirate! Fancy S..seeing you here!"BARK Called out the dog in the middle sarcastically. Bob's eyes went round and his mouth dropped open revealing his yellow teeth. Another pirate was trying to stifle a laugh. "Shush Tom!" Scott said turning around to glare at the pirates. Scott turned around to face the police his smiles sunny. "Sam, fancy seeing you here too. I don't understand why you call me a pirate!" Scott said The police laughed. "BARKAh S..Scott, don't try to trick me." Sam responded Sam lazily drew out a gun from it's holster. "Do you think it's loaded with bullets or gum balls?" Bob whispered to Fred. Fred gave Bob a crazy look. A flicker of panic crossed Scott's face. He held one finger up behind his back to the pirates. Everyone tensed, they all knew what this meant. "10 chocolate coins that it's gum balls." Fred whispered back. "Deal. I bet it's bullets." Bob said softly "Now Sam, we don't have to go through this again?" Scott asked nervously breaking Fred and Bob's conversation. "Well, if you hand over the s..stash of s..stolen c..chocolate c..coins we won't have to."BARK Sam said while raising his gun. Scott held up two fingers behind his back. All the pirates held their breath. "Stolen chocolate coins? Why would we steal chocolate coins? We make ours from tradin' at ports." Scott drawled "I'll give you 5 seconds S..Scott C..Cutlass."Growl Sam said sternly All the other police drew out their guns. "5...4...3..." Sam counted down Scott held three fingers up behind his back. Suddenly all the pirates bolted to their positions and Captain Scott spun the wheel, making a sharp turn to the right. The boat then propelled forward as fast as possible. The police started to shoot volleys of gum balls at the Lollibird damaging the hull. "Sour gum balls!" Bob called from his position at the cannons. "You owe me!" Fred called from his look out position. "Let'em Go Boys!!" Scott yelled to the pirates at the cannons and the pirates who had grabbed pistols. Bob placed a powder bag in front of the barrel, then a cherry bomb. He pushed it to the bottom. Bob aimed at the lead police boat with Sam the talking dog in it. "FIRE!" Called one of the pirates at the cannons. Bob lit the fuse. *BOOM**BOOM*BOOM**BOOM* A plume of smoke descended on the pirates. Cheery bombs were somewhat acidic. Bob ignored the stinging unlike the other pirates and cleaned out the inside of the barrel, then reloaded. "Fire!" *cough* Bob let it go and it sunk the lead police boat with the dog yapping in the water. "Good job Bob...." Captain Scott muttered A volley of new gum balls flew at the pirates behind the cannons. Bob dropped to the ground and didn't get killed but one gum ball embedded itself into Bob's arm. "Ow..." Bob muttered Ignoring the pain Bob desperately dug the sour gum ball out of his arm. Sour gum balls acted like acid, eating away at whatever it happened to touch. This meant the guns the police were using had to be thrown away and changed. Blood dripped from Bob's wound but he just ripped a strip of cloth from his shirt and bound around the wound. "Stay down! FRED! How far are we?" Scott called up to Fred from look out. "Almost out of firing range cap'n! " Fred called back down "Good..." Scott said dodging the last stray gum balls. Fred watched as Bob and the other pirates slowly got up the ground from his place at the mast. *Gurgle* Fred turn around to the starboard side. His eyes widened as he watched the cola bubble several meters away. "CAP'N!! The cola's lookin' weird!" He yelled pointing at it. All the pirates abandoned their posts and and flew over to where Fred was pointing. "Trevor! Take the wheel!" Scott yelled and jogged over to the side of the ship. "Golly..." Scott muttered as he watched the cola bubble. Suddenly, a submarine bust out of the ocean. This was followed by 5 more submarines. The subs raced toward the Lollibird. Captain Scott ran back to the wheel and yelled orders out at the pirates. "It's the S.W.A.T Distress Squad! Tom, Trevor, Fred ,Derrick! Grab the treasure and put it in a life boat! Joe, Henry, Marty, Sebastian! Take the cannons and fire! Bob throw that Gigalodan fish overboard! And the rest of ya! Take the pistols, swords, rapiers, or whatever you've got and be on guard!" All the pirates ran around the deck getting their orders done. The hatches opened on the subs and more dogs in different uniform climbed out armed with varied weapons and a long piece of strawberry lace. All the pirates watched with wide eyes as the S.W.A.T Squad threw the laces at the Lollibird and the laces tied themselves to the Lollibird. "YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING PIRATES!!! DONT JUST STARE!! CUT AWAY THOSE LACES!!!" Scott yelled "HOP TO IT YOU PIECES OF SCUM!" Scott yelled again when no one moved. Everyone armed with weapons started cutting at the laces, while others aimed cannons and pistols at the subs. The bullets and cherry bombs bounced harmlessly off the subs. "AIM AT THE S.W.A.T SQUAD!! NOT THE SUBS YOU BRAINLESS LOWLIFES!!" Scott yelled agitatedly Everyone quickly re-aimed nervously. Captain Scott Cutlass Pillow Pirate was never agitated. Fred armed with a butcher knife was busy hacking at the laces. One string left... *SPLASH* Fred had finally hacked through the lace sending two dogs into the ocean. Some of the other pirates hacked through as well. *SPLASH**SPLASH**SPLASH* A cheer went up from the pirates. *Gurgle* All the cheers disappeared with the wind as more subs appeared. Soon they would be surrounded. Captain Scott decided to give the ultimate order. "Abandon Ship!!" Scott yelled and he ran over to a life boat and went overboard. Everyone went crazy. A few desperate and more "brainless" pirates ripped up a few lollipops from the deck and jumped overboard. The smarter pirates ran to the life boats. Bob raced to the life boats and was the first to get there. "C'mon Bob! Over 'ere!" Fred yelled to Bob who was at the back of the pack. "Help me get this overboard." Fred said when Bob got to the life boat. Bob grabbed the life boat with his good arm and both of them dragged it towards the escape ramp. "Why...is this...so heavy...Fred?" Bob asked between gasps for air. "Oh...I...took...some of the chocolate coins...and stashed them 'ere." Fred whispered "Nice going Fred!" Bob said happily They reached the ramp. They settled the life boat at the top and climbed in. Fred in front, Bob in the back. Bob was about to push off when something brushed the air above his head and a sword came down beside the life boat, slightly embedding itself into the lollipop deck. A S.W.A.T dog had boarded the ship and was trying to take Bob's head off. "Yikes!" Bob yelled and pushed off quickly, only seconds before the sword came down again. The life boat sped down the ramp at lightning speed and splashed into the water. "How do you turn on the motor?!" Fred asked Bob "Pull the lever and yell SCUM." Bob answered Fred grabbed the lever of the motor; which was at the front of the life boat, pulled in down and yelled scum. Immediately the life boat jumped to life and skid across the water like jet skies. "YAHOOO!!!!" Bob yelled "AHHHHHHHH!!!" Fred screamed Soon their life boat was only a small speck from the Lollibird. The Lollibird's fate would be unknown to those who had abandoned but those unfortunate few who had been caught immediately;were as good as dead.
In this chapter, I have been kind and have left a… surprise for our readers. Hope you enjoy Alone on the wide wide sea "HEAVE HOE! HEAVE HOE! KEEP ON ROWING! I WANT TO SEE YOUR HANDS BLEED! THAT OAR NEEDS TO BE RED BY NIGHT!" Bob screamed at Fred as he greedly tucked into a jam (or jelly for you Amercians) roll "Wait! Bob, why am I rowing? This is a motorboat," "Umm… Err… What on Earth a-a-are you talking about?" Bob stuttered with a face full of jam and spitting pieces of sugary cake onto the boat's floor. " What am I talking about? We're shooting at 173.476 miles per hour without me using this useless oar! All you have been doing is stuffing yourself full of cakes and other tasty things!" "Err… Of course not! This is to gi-" Bob said cut short my the pircing sound of a rifle shot and then a zipping sound of a flying gum ball. "Argh! SCUM SCUM SCUM! MOVE YOU STUPID BOAT! SSSSCCCCUUUUMMMMM!" "Hi ya big bags of useless puke!" Scott shouted in a friendly manner from a red life boat that glittered with gold in the light. The floor of the boat was littered with golden chocolate coins, jam doughnuts and other tasty things. Scott's mouth was surround by a deep ring of brown, redish goop which was smothered on his face. By God Scott was having a feast, were as Bob had half eaten their last jam roll. The single gum ball shot through a large sheet of sugar paper with 'You lost the game >' writern on it in chocolate sauce. Turns out it was angry fishermen. Who also, lost the game because of the blasted sign that made me lose the game writing this and you reading it. "Confound it man! You made me lose the game with that blasted sign! Arses" Scott shouted at the deserted pirates; his voice changing to a little sadder at the end. [Starting reboot] <HA! They thought that dumping in the sea would eliminate me, well they were wrong!> [Starting tracking system] <They cannot escape me!> §NO TARGETS FOUND§ <Damnit! Those pirates are good at hiding!> [Booting police location signal] "Look, hand me the map." "It's OK, I know how to use a map. I learnt in the boy scouts." Bob said with a broad smug grin. "You're holding it the wrong way round! It's upside down!" "Yeah, but no. But yeah but no." "Idiot," Fred said with a sigh. "What are you looking for." "Do you know where the Majestic Island of the Mystic Elder Rabbit is?" "No one knows where it is! It's not going to be on a map!" "It-it-it MAY be on a map" "Why do you even want to see the Mystic Elder Rabbit?" "Cos he could enlighten me so I can be a Buddha. Or is that sitting under a tree for two million years?" "ITS THREE DAYS! THREE days!" "And then I can see the giga mahogany branch an-" Bob rambled. Not stopping for Fred. "What are you talking about?" "And he can help us escape and we can bake cookies!" "That isn't a bad idea actually" "I know" "Wait just a sec, is that map from a fast food chain?" "Errr. No. Of course not. No no, genuine map this is." Bob said, crossing his fingers behind his back. "Oh. My. God. We're doomed" Fred said, slumbing againist the boat. "We're doomed alone on the wide wide sea." "I'm still here Fred." Scott piped in. "-.-'"
Treasure Lagoon Fred put his head down and groaned. Lost at sea! "Argghh!" Fred yelled "Hey Fred are you OK?" Bob asked oblivious to the pending problem. Fred's response was to bonk Bob on the head. "HEY!!" Bob yelled rubbing his head "Chill down mates." Scott said calmly Fred and Bob looked at their former captain with their mouths hanging open, their faces in shock. Some food fell out of Bob's mouth. Never in the pirates memory could they remember Scott Cutlass Pillow Pirate saying anything calmly or calling them "mates". He had always yelled and called them "piles of puke," "brainless", "Scum", and some other names whose meanings were unknown to Fred and Bob. "What?!" Scott growled at the pirates. Fred and Bob shut their mouths. "Now...hmmm....If I remember correctly..." Scott muttered Scott made a few weird faces. "That's way is north!" Scott said triumphantly pointing. "The lagoon of treasure is south, so we go that way." Scott pointed in the opposite direction where the sun was. "Whoa Wait, isn't the lagoon of treasure just a myth?" Fred asked skeptically. "Nope." Scott said "Then why would you bring us?" Fred asked again "Well...I...Uh...I...I need other pirates to help me get past the door, if you remember the myth there are monsters that guard the lagoon." Scott stuttered "Treasure? Sounds good! We'll go!" Bob said happily not hearing the conversation. "Ok let's go!" Scott said Fred rolled his eyes. Bob was very clueless. Bob pulled the lever on their boat. Scott pulled the lever on his boat and skidded away. "Hey why he doesn't have to say Scum?" Bob said "Because HE is the cap'n! SCUM!" Fred shouted Their boat hummed to life and skidded across the water. After a 50 kilometers... "EWW!!" Bob yelled lifting his hand from a gooey patch of marshmallow that had previously been the oar. "EW EW EW!" Bob shrieked again when he couldn't get it off. Bob stood up and started jumping around. The boat tipped from side to side dangerously, cola splashing on the boat. "BOB!!" Fred yelled angrily Fred started to stand up to grab Bob but then the boat tipped very low to the left and Fred fell overboard; only one leg hooked onto the boat, glued on a sticky patch. Freds arms tried to grab the boat but his body was dunked over and over again into the brown water, making him look like a human flag flying in the wind. "Bob!...St...Stop jum...ping!..Argh! *cough*" Fred sputtered Bob stopped jumping and stopped the boat. "Fred? Where are you?" Bob asked looking around. *Gurgle* "Fred?" *Gurgle* "Fred! Is this a joke?" *Splash* Bob spun around to see a leg going into the water. "FRED! Is that you?" Bob asked running to where Fred had fallen. Fred's head surfaced, his expression in rage. "Fred! There you are! Where have you been?" Bob asked Bob held a hand out to Fred. Fred grabbed Bob's hand and flipped him overboard. "HEY! What's the big idea?!" Bob sputtered when he surfaced. Fred rolled his eyes and climbed back into the boat dripping cola. "OY! WHAT ARE YA DOING?" Scott yelled several hundred meters away. Bob scrambled back on the boat just as Fred yelled Scum. They glided over to Scott, who was perched on a hollow chocolate statue of King George the third in his boat. "We're at the lagoon now, be quiet, I don't want you buffoons messing this up." Scott whispered harshly. *Splash* The pirates looked around for the source. "Monster?" Fred suggested "I don't know...let's move." Scott answered The boats moved into the lagoon. Blue light danced around the water and rock walls. Seaweed covered the walls and hung from the ceiling. No animals or other lifeforms in sight. Only the dripping water from stalactites echoed. "Eerie..." Bob commented quietly The boats stopped at a pile of rock and sand. "Well! Let's go!" Scott said The pirates got out of the boats onto the odd beach. Ahead were a set on stone stairs that led upward to a cliffside. A path crossed the cliffside and disappeared into the dark. Fred struck a match and lighted a torch Scott had in his boat. The pirates hurriedly walked up the steps for the prospect of treasure was ahead. Past the cliffside was a cave, the entrance covered by seaweed. They carefully approached the cave but no monster or guardian appeared to attack them. Scott slashed the seaweed aside with his sword and they entered the cave. The pirates gasped. The cave walls sprawled upwards, the ceiling almost non-existent. Piles of gold coins, chocolate coins and candy coins piled as far as the eye could see. Silver jewelry gleamed from open chests. Gems glowed from their small but many piles and many more had been placed into the cave's walls. More chests lay around locked with bronze. Old melee weapons scattered the room, accompanied by some skeletons. Fred shivered at the sight of the skeletons. All this loot, with no protection? It was hard to believe. Bob and Scott couldn't take their eyes off the treasure. All they thought of how rich they could be. Slowly the thought of treachery crept into Fred's mind just as Bob started to think of turning on Scott. Two against one, it would be easy...If he and Fred could get a decent weapon. Unfortunately Scott was ahead of them by a few thoughts. "Well boys, all this treasure...it's quite a bit isn't it?" Scott asked "Yes..." Fred said "I'd hate to part, but I'm not your cap'n anymore so I don't owe you two any loot...." Scott said slowly. With a flash Scott drew his sword and attempted to kill Bob. The strike missed. "YIKES! RUN FRED!" Bob yelled Without hesitating Fred and Bob dashed out of the cave followed by Scott. They bolted pass the cliff and down the stairs. *ROOOAAARRR* "Double bad luck!" Fred yelled A large dinosaur like monster emerged from the water. It's eyes red with fury. Bob and Fred hopped into their boat, unlike Scott who ran back to the cave thinking of the safety on dry land. "SCUM SCUM SUUCCMM!!!" Fred and Bob shouted. Oddly this seemed to sound like 'Please Eat Me' to the Dino monster. Their little boat jumped to life and streaked out of the lagoon. Bob and Fred hung on for dear life screaming like children. The monster pursued them to the entrance where it abandoned them and went after the much closer Captain Scott. Once again Fred and Bob were propelled far out into the cola sea with no sense of direction, still screaming like children.
Note Although I'm writing Fury and a Half and FTLOC, I am going to keep writing both stories. The Majestic Island of the Mystic Elder Rabbit "So if Micky Mouse were to wake you in your sleep with a knife, what would you do?" "Bob, why the hell are you asking all these dumb questions? And I don't know what I would do if Micky Mouse were to wake me from my sleep with a knife." "Say wha? I would personally pun-" "Just SHUDDUP!" Fred screamed, slapping him around the face. "Well that was rude, pointless and completely uncalled from Fredric Alexander Marshmellow Fluffy Bunny! For that I shall have to ni you with my pet parrot Bill" "*SQUWARK!* Billy is ssssooorrry. *Squwark* Ni, ni ni ni, ni ni ni ni." The parrot shrieked in Fred's ear as he spoke with a tint of sorry in his voice "Heh, take this Fred. Ni! Ni ni ni! Ni! Ni!" "NOOOOOOO! Please! Stop with the nis Bob! I'll do anything!" "Even buy me a cookie?" Bob asked, putting on his best puppy dog eyes. Fred sighed as Bob begged on his knees. "Meow! Mmmeeooowww." "Fred, w-ww-what's tt-t-that? T-th-th-the meowing." "BARK! GGGGRRRRR! RRRAAWWFF!" "And t-tt-those bb-b-a-barking n-nn-noises" Bob asked, his hand shaking violently in Fred's hand. "First, Catfish and Dogfish," Fred said as five fish with cat faces on and five with dog faces on popped out of the water. "Secondly, stop holding my hand! We actually look like two homos!" Fred shouted; ripping his hand from Bob's greasy grip. The catfish clawed the sea and pulled out a fish who's body colour was like a wave, running through the rainbow. The catfish ate it and both fish scarpered as fish with a lion head shot out of the water. "Bb-but they were sssscccaaarrreeewwww!" Bob moaned; his hand searching for Fred's. "Scary? They were no scarier than a cat and a dog barking and meowing in a tunnel!" "Oh, my… GOD!" "What is it now?" Fred said as he snapped around. "Ha ha! Made ya look, made ya stare, made ya lose your underwear!" Bob chanted, not taking time to notice the fist that seemed to be locked on his face. Bob shrieked as he fell. "Ohh! Look! Fog is likely to cover the Majestic Island of the Mystic Elder Rabbit so no one would find him! Let's just row into that massive cloud of fog! SCUM!" "Oh great idea Bob, let's just row into that massive cloud of fog." Fred mumbled as Bob 'looked for signs of life.' The whole thing looked pretty grim through Fred's eyes whereas it was like a super fun adventure of the daring, fearless explorer Bob. "It's a fish! Fred, come quick! It's a f-" "Bob that fish is dead. And guessing by the fact that it's bones and rotten skin I'm guessing it's been dead for a year or two." "No! Not that one! Not John! Silly Billy" "My name isn't Billy, it's Fred! Wait, did you say John? You gave a fish, no a DEAD fish a name. You are an idiot." Fred slammed his hand in a slap so hard into Bob's face that he flipped backwards into the murky colas underneath the boat. "Meep," Bob squealed as he was flung into the deep depths of the brown. As Bob hauled himself onto the boat; five caramel coloured trout like fish flapped off him and one sat in his pocket. Fred bent over to pick one up. "Sticky…" Fred licked the fish and swirlled the taste in his mouth. "But! It can't be! That's just myth!" Fred muttered "W-what is it?" Bob shivered, trying to dry himself. "This fish tastes of toffee…" "Yum yum! What does it mean?" Bob said; changing his second statement apon noticing worry in Fred's voice. "If a fish tastes lik-…" Fred paused "it teleported!" "This means what?" "You mean you don't know?" "Know what?" "Many years ago man lived at peace with the Mystic Elder Rabbit. Our harmony was unbreakible and to thank our kindness each man could have one wish a day. But only if the person could answer one of the Rabbit's riddled. But man had become greedy and found loopholes in the Rabbit's plan each and every human who ventured out to the Mystic Elder Rabbit had the same wish. Unlimited wishes. Man had used their ability to manipulate everything around them for greedy and anger. Massive wars broke out, destroying the planet. The Mystic Elder Rabbit tried to limit every who he had granted wishes power but it was too strong. The only thing the he could do was stop any man from reaching him and wait for man to kill each other. The Rabbit surrounded his island with fog and his own defence system, teleporting toffee fish. If you see the teleporting toffee fish you must lick it. This is the way of seeing if someone has a pure heart. If you don't or you have a bad heart you will teleported to the Kracken or abandoned on a desert island." "Sooo. How long will it take?" "No one knows as hardly anyone is brave enough to go this far out but since you were dumb enough to send us here I guess we'll have to find out." "Ffffrrreeedddd. This is BORING." "Bob, it's been five minutes since I told you the story of the Mystic Elder Rabbit." "I don't care!" "Well you should!" "Oh! Look! They're back!" Bob shouted, pointing rapidly at one hundred and fifty different fish. "Well Bob, here's out destiny. In case we do get put on a desert island… You are a annoying beggar and I hope you die first. There, finally got it out." Fred said as the fish formed a star around the boat. The light brown fish started glow a blueish glow. All the fish opened their mouths and two pure white beams shot from their mouths. One linked to the fish to it's left and one was send directly above the boat. Sheets of light faded on and off; suddenly the beams flashed green and all of seas flashed green. If you blinked then this is what happened. Fred, Bob, their boat and one hundred and fifty fish teleported into a jungle island. Trees with bodies made of thick chocolate bars with 'leaves' made of sugar paper and 'vines' made of strawberry laces. Red light set on the island as two suns set on horizon. "I smell… cake. Chocolate cake… with a message," Bob sniffed "it says… Fun. Happy fun. A chocolate cake that says Happy fun." "Wow Bob your sense of smell is… extraordinary." "But there's more! Cookies, muffins, carrot cake. Loads and loads of carrot cake, and fruit cake." Bob continued, his nose high up; always sniffing. Searching if you will. "Wait… if you can smell chocolate cake, cookies, muffins, carrot cake and fruit cake then we aren't alone! Or you're insane. I'm inclined to go with the latter. Lead the way mystro." Fred said, his arm gesturing deeper into the jungle of strawberry laces. "Lead us to life and food." A deafening sound echoed around the island. Followed by three shakes on the earth. "B-b-Bob, are you s-s-sure it's this way?" Fred stuttered "I can bet on the life of my right hand." The roar came again. "Look Fred! The treasure!" Bob exclaimed, parting the sugar paper. Sure to his word there was a massive straw basket filled to brim with sugary treats. Next to it they could see a grey structure. They craned their necks to see what it was and got a surprise. White buck teeth, big small paws, floppy ears. They had stumbled on the giant Mystic Elder Rabbit. They had passed the pure heart test, landed on the Majestic Island of the Mystic Elder Rabbit, and found the Elder Rabbit tucking into his lunch.
Sweet Treats At the sight of the mounds of food Bob started to drool. A LOT. "Bob! Watch it! You're going to create a puddle!" Fred hissed but Bob wasn't listening. "...Foooood...." Bob moaned "Bob..." Fred warned "Caakke...chocolaatte...mhmm..." "Bob..I'm going to...!" Fred repeated "...caarrot cuupcaakkess...mhmmm...so huunnggryy..." Bob groaned. *DING* Bob came back to reality, tears coming down his face because he was hungry. "BOB!!!! YOU ARE SUCH A GIRL!! STRAITEN UP!" Fred shook his head in disgust. The Elder Rabbit had turned it's head to the right when the ding had sounded. Opposite where Fred and Bob were hiding. Now it slowly got up from where it was sitting in front of the food, its back against a cliff wall and stood on it's two back legs. *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* As the Elder Rabbit walked away down a gravel path surrounded by flowers leaving behind huge rabbit footprints. To Fred and Bob the footprints were about the same size as mid-sized ponds. Bob felt elated as the Elder Rabbit walked away. As the Elder Rabbit disappeared from sight he rubbed his hands together and tried to pull off an evil laugh. As usual, Bob failed. Fred covered his ears and made a tortured face. "Bob...you sound like pig getting slaughtered!" Fred tried to say in his most serious voice. Bob just laughed again. "Shut it up already will ya?!?!" Fred yelled A look of fake shock became pasted on Bob's face. "Why Fred?! How could you say such a thing to me!" Bob then pretended to faint. Fred rolled his eyes and stomped off back into the jungle of strawberry laces, muttering how idiotic Bob was. Well now that the party popper is gone! Bob thought happily. Bob then proceeded to approach the basket of food slowly on his tippy toes. As he got closer more aromas came from the basket. More drool came from Bob's mouth. Fred watched Bob progress from the top of a chocolate/sugar paper tree. Fred's stomach rumbled at the thought of eating anything. Since Bob had greedily eaten all the sweets they had in the row boat Fred hadn't had lunch. "That little....!" Fred swore as Bob tried to climb up the giant basket. Sighing Fred gave into his hunger. He took a nearby strawberry vine and tied one end to the tree. Taking the other end Fred gripped tight, backed up a little from his branch and ran and jumped off the tree branch. "EEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!" Fred squealed as the vine swung approached the basket. Just as the vice was over top the basket Fred let go and made a clumsy belly flop landing into the basket. Bob watch amazed as Fred had landed into the food. "I guess Fred isn't an adventure fearing pirate after all!" Bob thought out loud. "I HEARD THAT!" Fred yelled from the basket. Fred was sitting on top of a giant carrot muffin top. It was the size of his kitchen table. Around him were cookies, slices of sponge cake, chocolate cake, brownies, tarts, carrots, and many other mouth watering goods. Everything was larger than himself. Fred was just about to take a piece of cake when the ground shook again. The Elder Rabbit was coming back. The Elder Rabbit was slow but Bob and Fred didn't dare to move. Bob desperately tried to hide behind the basket and Fred scrambled underneath the carrot muffin top, clinging to it. The Elder Rabbit sat back down slowly and looked into the basket. All Fred could see was a large brown black eye and a twitching nose. It still hadn't seen Fred or Bob. One of it's grey paws reached into the basket and pulled out a giant carrot. Both of it's paws held the carrot as it fed itself. It's mouth and jaws were moving very quickly but the carrot was disappearing slowly. It took about a minute to finish it. Fred felt more nervous and scared with each passing second. If only the Elder Rabbit would walk or hop away again. Bob, having missing some brain cells found the whole situation fascinating. He watched in awe as the carrot disappeared. The Elder Rabbit finished eating the carrot and once again peered into the basket. Slowly it's paws came around the carrot muffin top Fred was hiding under. Fred, who was under the muffin top, had no idea until the muffin top moved. Fred's hands dug into the muffin hoping that the Elder Rabbit was just digging around the basket. No luck. Fred felt himself being dangled in the air as the Elder Rabbit raised the muffin top to it's mouth.
Friendship, cookies and magic. "PEEKABOO!" The giant squealed. "Ahh! Please don't eat me! I'm… I'm err… I'm too… stringy" Fred said sheepishly, pronouncing the word stringy slowly. "EEK! Teeheehee!" The rabbit squealed, throwing it's head back. "I'm not a cannibal, I'm a friendly walking talking rabbit." "Fffrrreeeedddd." A voice moaned, "is it ok to com-… ARGH!" "You too? Heehee, haha, teeheehee… *BURP* SORRY! Too much sugar." The rabbit laughed, saying the word 'sugar' more 'shoegar'. "Sooo… You're not a rabid, man-eating, wild vampire rabbit that all the books say?" "Nooo, teehee *Burp*. Teeheehee." "Buuuttt. What about our wishes?" Bob inquired. "Soo." The Rabbit said in a half sinister voice, clearly trying to hide a smile and a giggle. "You're here for WISHES?" "Actually he is," Fred said pointing into a mess of half eaten custard tarts, muffins and cakes. "I'm here to escape from our insane, treasure hungry captain and a massive dinosaur." Fred said, white lying. "Well you have to answer meh riddle!" It said, trying to clap with it's stubby little hands and jumped up and down; shocking the ground. "W-wi-will they b-b-be hard?" Bob whispered? "I dunno, I say what the cards say." The Rabbit replied. "Do me first." Fred exclaimed proudly, standing almost herorically. Here's some fun! Guess the answer to the riddle before reading the answer! Post on the feedback thread if you got correct answer! Be honest. "I am broken when spoken, Shattered at the start, but sealed at the end. When I matter least. A whisper or a crack, a click or a whistle and I'm destroyed. What am I? "Is that it?" "Sure is," The big rabbit said, a broad smile spreading. "Could it be silence?" "Is that your… final answer?" "Why yes it is." "Then you are going to disappointed… if a wish disappoints you!" "DO ME YOU AWESOME FLUFFY THING!!" Bob demanded, pointing a sticky accusing finger to the Elder rabbit's tummy. "Okay!" The rabbit replied. A grin pasted on his face. "What is a bean that you don't grow?" "Ohhh… errm… well… you see… is it? Bak- no… hmm… Curtain? No… errr…… JELLY BEANS!" "…" "Well?" Bob inquired "IS THE CORRECT ANSWER!" Fireworks shot left and right, tinned cheers came from clapping trees. "Oh brother." Fred sighed, rolling his eyes. "Idiot." "Oh boy, oh boy!" Bob squealed, hopping from one leg to the other. He waved his hands as he hyperventilated. "Now to grant those wishes! You're… Fred?" "Yes, I'm Fred." "OK. By the way, I'm Jim." Jim said, as he drew a long orange stick out of a pouch of fur. "Is that a hollow carrot?" Fred inquired. "Damn right." He exclaimed, dipping an oversized feather into a pool of thick black ink. Balls of gooey liquid dropped off; splashing shocked Fred and hyperventilated Bob. "What be your wish Fredric?" Jim dug into the wand, carving long symbols into the carrot. "I wish for… a magical jacket!" Fred said, still wincing from the mention of his proper first name. "Nigeta tu ventusia, magico jacketo appearo!" Jim randomly waved his carrot 'wand'. A trail of orange sparkles followed the tip of the wand as it moved up, down, left and right. As Jim circled the air, green lines rotated slowly, almost hypnotising the viewer. The Elder Rabbit suddenly jerked his hands and the carrot pointing towards Fred. Fred slowly lifted away from the carrot top. He rose, blue and orange sparkles circling him. More of them grew from thin air like flowers. They encased Fred; piecing together and protective ball. It throbbed every so often, pulsing in and outwards. Five minutes of this, then quickly the surged towards Fred. "Oops. Teeheehee." Jim giggled as Fred was swamped in the lights. They built a sculpture around Fred. A small leakage of pure white light poured out of a hole in the shield. "Is that meant to happen?" Bob asked the Rabbit. "To be honest, I can't remember; I haven't done this is years." Muffled screams could be heard from inside the shell of sparkles. More holes appeared, more light poured out untill it engulfed Fred whole. "Well that was disapointing." Bob exclaimed; turning around from Fred "I guess it's my turn then." "Not so fast mister. You need to check out my jacket." A voice said behind him. Fred stood proudly with a clear leather jacket. It said, "Friendship, cookies and magic." In red thread on the left half of his chest. It was underlined with a magic wand with a cookie on the end. "I don't care about your jacket Fred. I wish that we are making cookies with Jim."
Note: I used google translate for some Latin words because I'm not as creative with words as Paradox. So don't blame me if the Latin is all wrong. Happy reading! ------------------------------- A special wish "What kind of wish is that Bob?" Fred asked. "A good one." Bob shot back. "You'll grant it right?!" Bob asked Jim excitedly. "Of course!" The Elder Rabbit or Jim giggled. Jim started to raise his carrot wand again. "Hey wait! Why do you need the wand for this? Can't we just walk over to your place?" Fred asked logically. "Oh! I didn't think of that!" Jim said grinning. Fred rolled his eyes. Even though the Elder Rabbit was portrayed as a man hating cannibal in the books, he didn't expect the Elder Rabbit to be silly. "Ok follow me!" Jim shouted. He then waved his huge paw towards the gravel path he had walked down earlier and started to walk slowly. Even though Jim was walking slowly he took giant steps. "Wait up awesome fluffy-" "It's The Elder Rabbit, not awesome fluffy thing Bob!" Fred said cutting Bobs sentence off. Bob glared at Fred. "I was going to say awesome fluffy Jim!" Bob lied and ran off to catch up to Jim. Truthfully Bob was going awesome fluffy thing. Of course he wasn't going to admit that to Fred. Fred rolled his eyes and jogged after Bob and Jim. "pant...pant...Jjiiimmmm!!! Are we...pant...there yet...pant..." Bob gasped still running after Jim. "Hm? Not yet." Jim answered completely unconcerned for Bob. They had walked, ran for miles and still no sign of anything. Only trees, grass, rocks and flowers Bob thought miserably. Suddenly Jim stopped walking. Bob crashed right into Jim fluffy rump. "Oof!" Bob yelped spitting grey fur. "Isn't it beautiful?" Jim asked happily. "Wha- Ooh!" Bob cried as he walked in front of Jim. Jim had stopped at a cliff edge. Up until now the path had been lined by trees, but this empty space on the path overlooked a rolling green valley with a winding river going through it. The sky was pink and orange from the sun, peeking just below the horizon. It was sunset. "why...*cough*...have you...*cough*...guys...stopped...?" Fred said through coughs as he jogged up to Bob. Fred stopped beside Bob and bended over gasping, his hands on his knees, his head down. "Fred look!!" Bob yelled pointing at the valley. Fred slowly lifted his head and stared at the valley. "Wow..." was all he said. "Well let's get going! 10 more miles to go!" Jim announced pleasantly. Fred and Bob both groaned. "Opps! Sorry! I've forgotten you're humans!" Jim laughed. Jim took out his carrot wand and waved it with his short arms. "Cras tinciduct mi vestibulum! Travelo Bob and Fred!" Jim said and pointed it at Fred and Bob. Spots of light like fireflies started to surround Fred and Bob , soon encasing both of them in a prism of light. With a flash they both disappeared. Jim giggled and started walking towards his kitchen to meet up with Bob and Fred. "AHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Bob screamed into Fred ear. Fred himself, had his eyes shut and his hands over his ears. Once the light disappeared Fred opened his eyes and uncovered his ears. Only to cover them again because Bob was still screaming in his ear. "AHHHHHHHH!!!!" Bob continued. "SHUT YOUR MOUTH BOB!!!" Fred yelled at him. Bob shut his mouth shocked. "Thank you!!!" Fred yelled and uncovered his ears. Fred and Bob looked around the cave they had appeared in. It was like being in a giants house, which they were in even though it was a rabbit. Bob and Fref stood on top of a fluffy welcome mat the size of a baseball pitch. Everything except the walls were pink, orange or brown. They were standing next to the giant leg of a pink table. 2 huge orange chairs were neatly tucked into the table. Four brown ovens/stoves lined the wall they faced. Three orange counter tops were next to the stoves, in an "L" shape against the wall. One counter top had a sink. The other two were spotless. A pink two door fridge the same height of Jim and an identical human sized pink fridge stood next to the counter tops. Orange rock candy lights hung from the ceiling. Bob suddenly sniffed the air. "Mhmm....Chocolate cake..." Drool started to come out of Bobs mouth again. "EW Bob! You're so disgusting..." Fred muttered darkly. Suddenly the door of the kitchen slammed open, knocking Fred and Bob off their feet, causing near heart attacks. Jim walked in and looked around for Bob and Fred. "Opps Sorry!" Jim giggled. "Urgh..." Fred moaned. "Let's get cooking...awesome fl...um Jim!" Bob yelled, not even fazed by the fall. "Ok!" Jim replied happily. Jim hopped a few times causing Fred and Bob to feel mini earthquakes. Bob jumped jumped along. Fred groaned again. This was going to be a long day he thought.
Baking, barfing, barking and bots Note: I just noticed that Fred's attiude is slightly harsh in this chapter. Sorry if this is confusing as Fred isn't normally like that, I promise that this will not happen again. P.S. Sorry for the lateness, I've been on holiday and had school stuff -.-" "The first thing we need is some devil pixie dust. This makes the cookies EXTRA nomitasty." Jim said gleefully as he pranced around the huge kitchen. "D-d-did you s-s-s-say devil pixie dust?" Bob asked, shivering violently. "It's ok they are only red, and they pull your ears." "What did you say on the end?" Fred inquired. "Just that they hug you." Jim replied "Ahhhhh." Bob squealed, delighted by the thought of being hugged by little red flying people. "Here we are!" Jim shouted, his voice echoed in the massive cave. In the centre was a bee's nest like crystal, inside it was a thin layer of sparkly red powder. Small red dots littered the ceiling, when Fred's torch ran over their bodies, they sparkled a little. "It's… so… beautiful!!!!" Bob screamed, his hands waving in the air as he ran in circles. "SHUT UP! YOU'LL WAKE THEM UP!" Jim shouted, the noise was so loud the whole cavern shook and trembled in fear. As Jim's voice echoed through the cave, the red dots did one massive Mexican wave of standing up. The pixies had woken up. "Oh cheers. Hypocrite" Fred said, his eyes rolling as he facepalmed. "Is that bad?" Bob inquired, honestly curious if devil pixies were good or bad. The waves of angry midgets swarmed the trio, scratching their skin, pulling their hair out and grabbing Jim's massive floppy ears. "Urgh…" Jim moaned as the pixies gave his ears a good inspection, cleaning, fluffing and destroying. "Teehee. Ho ha ha ha! Heehee!" Bob giggled hystrically as the pixies' finger nails tickled his pirate toughened flesh. "This is really fun, I'm bursting out laughing." Fred said sarcastically rolling his eyes. Honestly Bob, you were a PIRATE for Christ's sake. Well I'm going to find this 'pixie dust'. Where is it Jim?" "It's *sigh* in the hive, the crystal." Jim said, on the verge of bursting into tears as he being ripped apart. A paw pointed towards the centre of the cavern. The last Jim or Bob saw of Fred for the next two hours was him giving some pixies the finger. "Just add the pixie dust…" Jim said, half smiling at bloody, worn out Fred. Fred's face was a mangled beast of blood, cuts, tears, pixie finger nails and sticky sicky pixie dust. "Sounds scrumious." Bob exclaimed, his face completely clean, dry and a small pixie crown on his head. "Wait, how did you get the crown of the Lord Devil Pixie God?" Fred asked. "Oh, yeah. They made me their Lord God when I gave them a pizza I found in your bag. Was it important?" Fred burst into tears, water streaming down his raw bloody face. "That was for my sick mother and the only way to cure her was that pizza." Fred wailed. "Well I did find a brownie labeled 'Medicine Brownie. DON'T EAT!'" "You didn't eat that too did you?" "Nah, sent it to the address labeled." "Thank God." Fred said. "Now we need some dog drool, from a police dog." Fred's upper lip wobbled. After six hours of waiting, a police car rolled up to a beach in the South of Prance. "Stick 'em *BARK* UP!" A brown dog barked, a small dog treat gun in this hand. Fred happly put his hands in a surrender poistion, his eyes dully staring out at the ocean. The Sun setting on the horizion. "*Bark* Put your hands *RUFF* on y-y-your head! The s-s-slowly turn around!" Fred lingered as he slowly pulled his hands onto his head. He quickly whipped around to face the police dog. "Fred, again. Third time today, and I believe early this week you were on *BARK* S-S-Scott Cutlass Pillow The TTT *Ruff* s-ship the Lollibird plus I believe you made three fishermen lose the Damn it game." "Looks like me in a nutshell of police criminal records." Fred said, giving him a rotten pirate smile. "Would you mind telling me WHY you stole some of my *BARK* thick drool?" "I think this will answer your questions." Fred said grinning as he flipped a switch on a small phone size device; suddenly twenty toffee fish teleported him to Jim's kitchen. "Fred! You're looking a little worse for wear." Bob said, staring at his drool, blood, cut, pixie finger nail, tear, sticky sickly pixie dust and dog food covered face. "Quiet fatty." Fred said, turning sour as soon as Bob crossed his sight. "Oh! Just because I happen to be eating this extra large tub of lard doesn't mean… oh right." "Next we need puke from a new born unicorn. You need to find the egg." "Aren't unicorns like horses? Don't they give birth to a living animal?" "Nope, and by the way. Unicorn's use urine as well as their horns for self defense." Fred moaned a deep long moan. One hour later, Fred had returned to the magical kitchen. He had a black eye to top his urine, drool, blood, cut, pixie finger nail, tear, sticky, sickly pixie dust, horse shoe and dog food covered face. To top this up, he had a horn shoved up his buttom. But luckily he had a sky blue spotty egg in his greasy oily hands. "Now stroke it." Fred followed the instruction. As the friction warmed up the egg, thin uncommon cracks formed. "More." The more Fred stroked it, the more cracks appeared. Untill… SPLAT! A stream of vomit dripped down Fred's already sticky ,sickly, manky, stinging face. "Now we just SCRAPE it off." Jim said as he cupped his hands and collected the 'poison', "and add it to the bowl." <TARGETS LOCATED> {Sending cookie smell to John} {Scanning targets for lethal weapons} [Reciving chat from master] | Do you read me a Drone Eye Proto number 2B67Z? | <Yes> | Seek and DESTROY | [Ending chat] [Booting destruction mode]
Hey guys, this Paradox. Back in September, I quit KaW for a period of time and since then have never been as active. When I quit, Stora and me decided to discontinue this story. However, I came back to this story. And I thought, I miss FTLoC. I have come back to story, along with my new story: Day in the Life of Paradox. I have no idea if Stora will continue this with me. If you do Stora, PM me, and I will happily continue with or without you. But if you don't want to continue because of Greed's Thorned Vines (hint hint) I understand. To read this you need to read the rest of the story. Please post on the Feedback Thread, linked in the first post. Please enjoy He said he'd come back "Bacon strips and bacon strips and BACON STRIPS!" Fred dumbly stared at Bob as he slapped some bacon onto a frying pan. That he made of a drone that he found in here… That failed to 'destroy' him. After a while Fred managed to compile a response he quickly mumbled. "You don't need bacon for cookies you idiot." "Pardon Fred?" Jim replied, his massive ears acting as a sonar. "I said, you don't need bacon for cookies…" Fred spoke up this time so Bob could hear him. "If Epic Meal Time can do this, then why can't I?" "Because Epic Meal Time are stupid, even if they are hilarious." Fred whispered again. -=-=-=- "Sure I'll go along with it." "Are you certain? You did know th-" "I know, I know. But I hate them with a burning passion." "Yes, I know. It was all you rambled about when I found you." "Anyway, I hate them." "And I need HIM." -=-=-=- All Bob could do was drool. Jim had a similar reaction… over Fred's head so all he got was a tsunami of saliva. Fred sighed. "Why did I have to end up with you two? It's like having two older and uglier babies. I mean JESUS!-" "Shush Fred, I need to hear my babies cooking." Bob whispered, pushing his right index finger to Fred's lips; but never looking away from the treats cooking in Jim's oversized oven. "This is wh-*whirr*" a few pieces of rubble peeled from the roof of Jim's house; however no one payed that any attention. But if the Rabbit or the pirates had, their lives from here would be much easier. "-at I mean! Babies? The hell are you talking about?" -=-=-=- "So all I have to do is go in, kill Fred and Bob, burn the cookies and answer the Rabbit's riddle?" He was answered by a grunt. "Simples" he replied with a sly grin. -=-=-=- "Did you hear that?" Fred inquired, fighting a losing battle to stand up in the waves of drool. "Nah man. What was I went to hear?" "Err… The grunt from abo-" Fred was interrupted by a crack. "And that now…" "Dagnamit!" Jim howled "I paid £2,500 for last this happened." "What?" "I think… John Smith may be on the roof…" "Long ago, before man;there was a cyborg. He was named T-800… I mean, he was named John Smith. John Smith was a cynical cyborg. He despised cookies, sugar, spice and all things nice… and chemical X. To eliminate all the cookies in this Universe and the next; John Smith would have to destroy the best and oldest cookie… the Elder Cookie. Destroying the Elder Cookie stops the existence of every single cookie. Every cookie that existed or will every exist disappears. The thought of cookies disappears too. Getting rid of the Elder Cookie will stop anyone remembering cookies. FOREVER. The crack in the ceiling continued to grow. Bits of paint and rubble littered the kitchen floor. "So did you stop John Smith?" Bob asked. "Sure did, choked him with own throat strings. Then made him chug a gallon of rainbow. He hasn't spoken the same again." Just as Jim finished his anecdote the roof gave way and a familiar face appeared… Scott. "I shaid I'd be back you wort'leth sthcum buckets!" He rasped, his tongue; malformed from the guardian's cruel ways. "Actually you didn't" Fred mumbled under his breath. "S'ut you mout' Frederick you pukebag." Scott said rudely, as he painfully pulled out a flintlock pistol and pointed it at Fred's head. ~~~ The next bit is a new segment called Paradox's Playlists. When I write stories, I like to listen to music. I thought people may be interested in what I listen to. So I made the next segment. If do not wish to see what music I listen to then, don't read the next section Paradox's Playlists TotallyAwesome Songs UltimatelyPwnYou 112 songs Jungle - Prof. Green feat. Maverick Sabre American Idiot - Green Day Touch Fuzzy, Get Dizzy - Dunderpatrullen Ode to KFC - Axis of Awesome 4 Chords - Axis of Awesome Whyyawannabringmedown - Aranda Arrow to the knee - Approaching Nirvana Asdfmovie Song - Lil Deuce Deuce Assassin - Dan Bull I'll be in the Sky - B.o.B Badman Riddim (Jump) - Bangarang - Skrillex feat. Sirah Barbra Streisand - Duck Sauce Bass Cannon - Flux Pavilion California - Phantom Planet The Campy Song - TryHardNinja Blink - Chameleon Circuit Changed the Way You Kissed - Example Alors on Danse - Stormae Cinema - Benny Benassi (Skrillex Remix) Pencil Fight - Atomship Dance Routine - The Midnight Beast The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny - Lemon Demon Double Rainbow Song - The Gregory Brothers Dovahkiin - Dan Bull Earthquake - Labrinth Earthquake - Labrinth (Nosia Remix) Fallen Kingdom - TryHardNinja Brainstorm - Arctic Monkeys Firetruck - Smosh Hiphopotamus vs. Ryhmoceros - Flight of the Conchords Mutha'**kas - Flight of the Conchords Moar Ghosts 'n' Stuff - Deadmau5 (please note that it is Deadmouse not Dead-mao-five) Ghosts 'n' Stuff - Deadmau5 feat. Rob Swire The Greatest Show Unearthed - Creature Feature Buried Alive - Creature Feature Six Foot - Creature Feature A Gorey Demise - Creature Feature Bound and Gagged - Creature Feature Such Horrible Things - Creature Feature Tales of Girls, Boys and Marsupials - The Wombats Hello - Mark Solvieg and Dragonette Tarantula - Pendulum feat. DJ Fresh, $Pyda and Tenor Fly House Party - The Midnight Beast Hurricane Venus - BoA I Can Swing My Sword - Toby Turner feat. Terabrite I Just Rage Quit - TryHardNinja Hurt Feelings - Flight of the Conchords I'm So Manly (I Make Men Cry) - The Midnight Beast Choices - The Hoosiers Who Said Anything - The Hoosiers In The Air - True Tiger feat. Prof. Green and Maverick Sabre Party all Night - Sean Kingston I'm on a Boat - The Lonely Island and T-Pain Boombox - The Lonely Island and Julian Casablancas Omen - The Prodigy Buffalo Soldiers - Bob Marley The Legend of Zelda Rap - Smosh Lez Be Friends - The Midnight Beast Literal Assassin Creed Trailer - Toby Turner Literal Dead Space 2 Trailer - Toby Turner Literal Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword Trailer - Toby Turner Literal Prototype 2 Trailer - Toby Turner Literal Skyrim Trailer - Toby Turner Louder - DJ Fresh (Flux Pavilion and Doctor P Remix) Anthemic - Magnetic Man feat. P Money Masterchef Synesthesia (I Like Buttery Biscuit Base) - Swede Mason Cat - C418 Modern Warfare - Dan Bull Reptile's Theme - Skrillex MW3 Connection Song - TryHardNinja My Fanny Pack - Smosh Nice Guys - Chester See, Kevjumba and Nigahiga Ninjas - The Midnight Beast Bed Intruder - Antoine Dodson and The Gregory Brothers Pizza in Ibiza - The Midnight Beast Pumped Up Kicks - Foster the People Renegade - Noisestorm Let it Roar - Noisestorm Revenge - TryHardNinja Revenge - TryHardNinja (2AM Remix) Safety Torch - Toby Turner feat. Terabrite Save the World - Swedish House Mafia Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites - Skrillex Starstrukk - 3OH!3 feat. Katy Perry Stay Awake - Example Big Bang 2 - Chameleon Circuit Stripes on a Tiger - TryHardNinja Homies Unite - Stuck in Your Radio Slyfox and the Curious Cat - Stuck in Your Radio Stuck in Your Radio - Stuck in Your Radio Underground Hallow - Re-Logic Tetris - Doctor P Duet With Myself - Charlie McDonnell Jack Sparrow - The Lonely Island feat. Michael Bolton Threw it the Ground - The Lonely Island 2808 - Nero Doomsday - Nero Crush on You - Nero Wish I Had a Portal Gun - Collegehumor Our Perfect Disease - The Wombats Written in the Stars - Tinie Tempah feat. Eric Turner Hurricane of Adventure - Daniel Yount Winds of Adventure - Daniel Yount Your Grammar Sucks: The Rap 2 - Jack Douglass Beyond Her Tomb - MictheMicrophoneZero, iBringdaLulz, Glaze, TheLivingTombstone Discord - OdysseyEurobeatBrony (TheLivingTombstone Remix) Iron Man - Black Sabbath Lost Woods Dubstep - DJ Ephixa Sister Hate - TheLivingTombstone and MictheMicrophoneZero Spin That Record Vinyl Scratch - KeepOnRockin' Python - Dodge and Fuski
As a side note, I have a key now! Crimson means a message only Fred can hear. Cyan means a message only Bob can hear. Magenta means a message only Jim can hear. GoldenRod is an anecdote told by any of the three protagonists. Firebrick is an anecdote told by John Smith or Scott Chocolate Is an anecdote told by any of the Cookie Priests (read this chapter) Italics (just italics) is a conversation unheard by any protagonist. On that note, enjoy Knots, my arch nemesis. "This God damn rope!" Scott moaned, he gingerly threw the thickly bound pieces of string onto the ground. "Want some help?" Bob cheerfully inquired. "Sure!" Scott shouted, briefly forgetting Bob was HIS hostage; "I mean, stay back victim of this vulgar crime!" "Did you honestly think that was going to work?" Fred timidly whispered. "What's wrong Fred, you sound down?" "It's nothing, I'm fine." Fred had mustered a bit of courage for that sentence. The past two days had broken Fred down. One minute he was happy fishing Gigalodan, cooking it over a Skittles fire. Fred like to have a break on a KitKat bench to eat his cooked Gigalodan, the Skittles fire meant he could really taste the rainbow however a toffee fire was Bob's favourite so he had to put up with the sticky fish a lot. Whist Fred faded into his daydream and Bob tried to trick Scott, John Smith and Jim were having a wrestling match. Jim was warding John off with sword made of sweet cookies he fabricated from magic. To which John got live fox and a bear trap. "Fred." A mysterious voice hissed "Who? Wha?" Fred stuttered. "Hush peaceful pirate." The ominous voice continued. "Peaceful eh? Do you want piece of me huh? COME AT ME BRO!" "Shut it you buffoon. We need you." "And who are you?" Fred's ADHD causing his mood to quickly swing from anger to curiosity. "We are the ancient tribe of the Cookie Priests. We are here to tell you the oh mighty cookie we devoted our lives to protect is nearing destruction!" "Cookie Priests? Now I've heard EVERYTHING." "Stupid damn rope! Knots, my arch nemesis! Hell hath no fury like a pirate scorned." Fred was awoken by Scott's terrible parody of a famous quotation. "I'm sure they aren't THAT bad." Bob spoke in his always cheerful manner. "Close your maggoty, scumbucket mouth! You puke sack, you and your damn optimistic mood is sickening!" "Thank you, someone has some sense." Fred pipped in "You! Shut up! You call yourself a pirate? You're a pathetic excuse of a man! No, a pathetic excuse for a boy. You should be ashamed!" "Oh you stay AWAY from Fred!" Bob spit vilely. "I guess I have to do this the hard way." Scott said as he lazily pulled two flintlock pistols from their holsters. "Do you reckon it's bullets or gum balls?" Bob joking asked as Scott slowly pulled back on the hammer. To which Fred replied . "I hate you." Little did he know those words were not going to be his last. -=-=-=- Paradox's Playlist Tsu: Two added songs: Save The World - Swedish House Mafia - Knife Party Remix Power of the Meat - Josh Whelchel
*DISCLAIMER!* This has references to Cupcakes *shudder* I wish to let you know I do not own the story Cupcakes *shudder*; and the freakish person that ruined Pinky for me lays claim to Cupcakes *shudder* Because of this, this chapter is more… graphic than the normal carefree FTLoC. I also wish to note that there are a number of references in this chapter. For every reference you find, and quote in the FEEDBACK THREAD; you win 5 Internet points. For every 10 Internet points you get you win a free hug from Paradox. You cannot win Internet points from using the same reference that has been used before you. That is all. Thank you. Merci. etc. You keep using that word. Fred flinched as the rigid body if his former captain fell to the ground, two small lead pellet rolled out of the barrel of the guns. The clang from the saucepan colliding with Scott's head awkwardly echoed against the walls of Jim's kitchen. Jim stood smiling, a saucepan in hand and oil smeared over his innocent. white bunny face. "Is it safe now?" Bob gingerly whispered between shut eyes. "Yes." Fred gasped between short pained breaths. "Ah. Real." Bob cheerfully exclaimed with a smile on his face. Fred stood up from the rickety chair he was strapped. Ropes that once restrained him slid off his grimy pirate outfit. Fred calmly walked over to the lead pellet to inspect it. "Wha… wh… ho… h-h-HOW? INCONCEIVABLE!" Bob stumbled over his words as he stared in awe at how Fred just walked over to the bullet. "He's a pirate." Jim spoke with no such admiration that Bob showered Fred in. "Precisely, Scott was no master of knots. Depressing since he was a pirate however that's how it is. Me, that's a different matter." Fred spoke with pride swelling inside of him, his tiredness and pain tucked away under a blanket of accomplishment. "Plus, every pirate should keep a spare knife with them." Fred said, winking at Bob as he flicked a knife out of his back pocket. As it flipped in the air Fred gripped the handle and stabbed it down into one of the musket balls that rolled out of Scott's guns. "I think we need to add a new category to gumball or bullet; modified." The contents of the bullet wasn't that of a normal musket ball, sparks spat from sliced wires that hung limply from the two rough halves. As soon as the dagger collided with the pellet it hissed as steam leaked from the ever increasing slash. Sparks were flung through the gap, a quiet beep started to be silenced, red and green lights danced away; lighting up the trickle of steam. "INCONCEIVABLE!" Bob screeched, pushing his chair away from the metal ball; his face, petrified. "Try fixing it, without a wield, simply put them together like two pieces of a puzzle." Fred obliged out of curiosity. A howl came from Jim's study. "BBBOOOOOOBB! JJJJIIIIIIIIIM!" "CALM DOWN! WHAT IS IT?" Jim shouted back at Fred. "The bullet! Come quick!" With Bob and Jim now standing by his shoulders, Fred stared at the bullet as the wires flopped around looking for each other. As soon as the two halves came in contact with one another they started to heal, strands of the wire intertwined with their brethren. Horrified by this outcome, Fred hurled the pieces of the bullet at the wall. Thirty seconds later and posse were looking at the halves seeking each other out. "Inconceivable!" "You keep using that word, I'm not sure it means what you think it means." Jim replied, never taking his beady eyes off the bullets. "I concur. Where did you hear the word?" Fred followed on, he too never looked away, fascinated by the living wires. "Mum and Dad, of course, this was before the incident. "Incident?" Jim inquired, finally tearing his eyes away from the cyber bullet. "Didn't you know? Bob's a vegan." "I was 8, I arrive home. A note, scrawled quickly. The most horrific message if my life. My parents… Murdered, by cannibals." "Wait, because your parents were killed by cannibals you're a vegan?" Jim questioned. "I'm getting to that!" "Not just any kind of cannibals. Butcher cannibals, fish mongler cannibals, traders of meat; our 'friends'. Tortured, butchered, parts eaten by the monsters, parts sold off. The butchers had a list, when a person was picked at random, vanished, no one noticed, too large a community. My parents, cheaply disgraced. I vowed that day, not another piece of meat were to pass my lips. Those were my vegetarian days. Short lived, there was a group, a club of sorts. Only those with stories similar to mine were accepted, no. Were even told of this society, the secret society. More horrors lurked in the darkness of my inhumane home. One of our main produces were tomatoes. You want tomato juice? You get human blood with tiny traces of tomato juice. Pickled onion? Pickled in the acidic blood of your long dead descendants. How could I eat that? I vowed never to touch a piece of 'animal' produce, just like my brethren." "What about the bacon on the cookies?" Jim asked "Thin plastic gloves." "Milk chocolate?" "Never tasted." "Marshmallow?" "I wish." "Try the guns Bob. Be surprised, Find they're modified… Also shut your gob." "Guys." Bob announced, "If the bullets have been upgraded, why not the pistols?" "I like your thinking Bob, doing something smart for once." Fred leapt on Bob's idea, as he, unlikely Jim, was not shell shocked by Bob's story. Bob picked up the pistol. Polished oak wooden body with silver rims, the hammer was made of pure gold. The thin layers of wood made it a very mobile opinion due to it's lighter weight than a musket. Expensive, all Bob had was his bog standard pirate issue gumball launcher. The gun had already been loaded with sherbet gunpowder, it must have been the finest on the Lollibird if it was in Scott's gun. Bob didn't have any fancy living lead pellets however he did have an old gumball. "This'll be fine." Bob thought as he poked the sour sweet into the barrel of the gun. Bob span in a circle, then again. Then he laid eyes on a target, the chair that once held him captive. "Heh." Bob though as he walked with is back turned from the chair. He span one hundred and eighty degrees on one heel to face his opposition. "Pow!" He shouted, his finger missing the trigger, gun snapping back with fake recoil made by a flick of Bob's wrist. "And now, for real." Bob pointed the gun at the chair, closing one eye to aim, for that extra safety. Lifted his finger from outside the finger guard. And pulled the trigger back. "That's a powerful weapon." "You don't say." Bob spat back, in his hands he held the back of the chair. In the centre was a hole the size of a fist that had been ripped through, shards of flimsy wooden hung from the edges. "How quite do we beat John again, Jim?" But that was the last of that conversation. Because behind them was one click. One lonely snap of a hammer. Two cracks of a wood and metal butt colliding with Fred and Bob's skull. The cool metal of a musket barrel dug into Jim's furry head. The pressure could be felt on Jim's skull. And a dreadful, pained whisper. "Hello, my name Scott Pillow Pirate. You KILLED my master. Prepare to DIE." -=-=-=- Paradox's Playlists! My iPod's library! And no, I'm not naming all 439 songs.