Awwwwww... If no one says anything, does that mean no one likes it? Or does it mean that I shouldn't have made this thread at six in the morning?
Your story needs saving. A chapter should flow fluently. A FANFIC should have chapters. This seems to be what you think is a story I'll represent a post that is to short by putting post- Post Post Post Post Post Your posting itsy
Bitsy pieces What -breath- If -breath- Everyone -breath- Talked -breath- Like -breath- This? -breath-
I'm a little lost on the setting try describing the location or SLOW DOWN you're posting things and then adding on and not finishing, but good overall idea and what time era is it set in?
Overall not bad. Seems to have an interesting idea. I personally love roman stuff such as colosseums. A few things here and there, such as not using the word "but" right after a period. And try not to use list format, it kinda ruined the flow of the story for me. Also, I'm not really sure what the main character looks like and you may want to describe a bit more of characters physical features.
Hmm interesting idea however it needs some work. 1) Organization/ spelling Do not type this directly to Forums. That is a bad idea with a capital b. Either use notes or get a writing app. Then copy and paste. This allows you to check spelling and grammar, and allows you to post the whole chapter at once. Also NEVER use list formats in creative writing. It interrupts the flow of the story 2) Use more interesting verbs and adjectives. Instead of said or told, say commanded or informed ect. Also show don't tell. For example instead of saying "it was dirty and stinky" say "As soon as I walked in the room, the stench hit me like a punch to the nose causing tears to appear in my eyes. The air was hot and stuffy, and every surface was covered in mud and slime." Yeah it's longer but it also sounds better. 3) Longer sentences help keep the story flowing. Short choppy sentences distract the reader and interrupt flow. Use more description or else it's really boring.