Welcome to the archive for the completely fake KaW news source, known in some circles and other ellipses as the “Daily KaW-KaW.” A place for fake news where even the title is fake as the reports will certainly not be daily, but only when the whimsey strikes and we are too lazy to get out of the way. Index: Item One: IG Admits to Using Mind Control. Item Two: Moose is an Actual Moose. Item Three: War of AoTS vs KotFE and Allies Spills into Reality. Item Four: Ampersands Highly Protective of their Privacy. Item Five: RedStar Revealed. Item Six: Science News. Item Seven: The Search for Wulf. Item Eight: What Are, and How Do You Use Pots? Item Nine: Majesty Leaves KaW for Cryogenic Freeze. Outdex: Editor's Notes. Contest: Name Those References. Some Testimonials: Original Thread: viewtopic.php?f=8&t=109366&start=0
Item One: IG Admits to Using Mind Control May, 2012. All of KaW has known that for a long time IG has been a very visual, if not dominant, force in KaW. Although this perception was traditionally thought to stem only from the experience, dedication and gameplay of the IG members, recently, high council members have admitted they have had another trick up their collective sleeves. The first clues to this separate ability were in reports from clans who warred them. One player confided in me that “I had know idea why, but I felt compelled to slowly drop my allies, one by one, as they were stealing me.” In a separate war, another player recalls she “couldn’t help herself” as she started to pin an IG member she was supposed to help strip.” The most disturbing report was a player who, during a strip war with IG, “suddenly felt compelled to send [his] iphone to Chicago.” Although the player eventually got his iphone back, the luggage never returned. I was speaking to the Devs about this when in mid conversation their eyes went blank and they started chanting “Ve Know Nuhzink, Nuhzink at awl.” At first I was shocked at this seemingly gratuitous reference to Hogan’s Heroes, but I was more taken back by their sudden insistence that there was absolutely nothing in the ToU about extra sensory perception of any kind. Reports still come in, such as the Indonesian player who can’t bring herself to press the “attack” button, or the Norwegian player who recently painted his cat with the letters “IG.” When asked about it, xBattousaix said, “sure we use mind control, we’re IG, we can do that.” I had a follow up question, but for some reason decided not to ask it, and now I don’t remember what it was. Ed. Note: A# Coming soon: "The Five People You Meet When You Quit KaW" (Strangely, everyone I interviewed included me as one of the five . . .).
Item Two: Moose is an Actual Moose June 2012. After some extensive interviews and fact checking, it turns out the moderator, “Moose,” is actually an Alces Alces, or North American Moose with human intelligence named “Erik.” Originally from Maine, Erik’s parents moved south because they didn’t want Erik to grow up standing by or on the long highways as moose did there. They moved to Massachusetts where moose were small, but vocal minority. Erik grew up with some identity issues due to problems in trying to assimilate with the moosian culture while going to a human school. The strain initially caused some developmental delay and although Erik was able to fit into the human world by taking up singing and playing King Henry VIII in a renaissance faire, he was ashamed at the small size of his antlers and took to wearing “falsies” around the moose community. As Erik grew, he learned to dislike the paintings of Matisse, and he traveled to Sweden to see if he could make a profession of it. While at a seminar to learn to properly scorn different types of paper through the use of derisive sneezing, Erik was kidnapped by a group of cartographers who were willing to do anything to make “catsup” the national fruit of Albania. Erik eventually escape disguised as a clothes rack at a lingerie counter, but to this day still shudders at the memory of being swaddled in cheap nylons. After spending some time in France as a staple inspector, it behooved Erik to move to Canada where he could fulfill his lifelong dream to stand in an open field and pretend he was by or on a long highway. However, when Erik joined KaW as “Moose” is still a mystery that may never be solved as the last Templars searching can’t get their web browsers to switch back from a slavic language with a lot of intimidatingly odd letters. Ed. Note: Other notable dates in Erik’s life include the blizzard of 1978, but as Erik hadn’t been conceived yet, he really didn’t care too much. Coming Soon, the next report after this one.
Ed. Note: In Re: The date of filing the item “Ig Admits to Using Mind Control.” You were correct that the date was May 2012 despite my publishing it in June 2012. However, I initially intended to publish it in May, back before I started the Daily KaW-KaW, but didn’t do so. Currently, I still seem to be unable to follow up on the story. In Re: Pm’d response to “Moose is an Actual Moose” I will agree with you that, while in Europe, Moose was likely referred to as a Eurasian Elk. I will not go so far as to agree with the other things you refer to him as, no matter what language you think you are using. In Re: Listener Mail. I have no listeners, this is not radio. Ed. Note: It has been brought to our attention that the Templars who have been researching into Erik's past since page one, may have failed to unearth Erik's first KaW username. We deeply, humbly, and other "ly" words, apologize for not being factual or accurate on that point. Those Templars responsible have since been sacked and penalized five yards. We have cancelled their paychecks and had their debentures removed. Further, we tied them up and threw cashews at them while we planted evidence in their homes to destroy their families and ensure their children grow up addicted to drugs and the song stylings of Sylvia Plath. Finally we accept the term "Fake" for our news offerings almost as if we had declared it ourselves in our opening statement.
Item Three: War of AoTS vs KotFE and Allies Spills into Reality June 2012. The war between AoTS and KotFE and Allies (for simplicity sake) has breached the gaming world and has spilled into actual destruction on a world wide scale. This is the first time this has happened since the “Reality Lock” was put into place following a series of incidents around 2002 when people suddenly appeared with large diamonds floating over their heads and complaining they needed to go to the bathroom. Tales pour in of the devastation around the globe. Fire Elementals are wreaking havoc in Louisiana paying particular attention to sponges (their natural enemy), Siege Dragons are attacking castles in Europe out of a sense of nostalgia, and Disciples of Shadow are embezzling funds from architectural supply goods stores in Shanghai. There were also reports of Steel Titans destroying restaurants in Little Italy, and a group of pikemen who were looking for the Voodoo leader in Texas, but got lost and were too stubborn to ask for directions. Reactions varied. In the Albany, farmers lost their entire toothpick crop. In Kiev, the populace is afraid to bring the milk in before dusk. In Amsterdam, people are still in shock, saying “you mean all that stuff was, like, real, dude?” In Nagoya, Japan, I heard “あなたの日本語がめっちゃばかやねん,” which is to say, “after Gamera and Godzilla, we’re kinda used to it.” How much further this can go, only time can tell, and she has refused to take my calls. As a side note, the pikemen were eventually shot to death by Texans who thought they looked “different.” Also killed at that time was a super-intelligent alien from Artucus Prime who wanted to end poverty and hunger on earth and who had disguised himself among the pikemen because he thought wandering aimlessly was exactly the way to blend in with humankind. Ed. note: During the carnage, trying to hit on the white tiger riders from the level 2 Beastiary was a lesson in futility. Next Item: KaW Developers Attempt to Create User Interface in Massalit, but Fail Due to Massalit Not Having an Official Written Language.
Ed. Note: In ReM'd response to “War of AoTS vs KotFE and Allies Spills into Reality.” Dear PM’er, You were absolutely correct in your assertion that we were very one-sided in our coverage of the war. We agree that our coverage showed a distinct preference for one side of the battle. We apologize and admit our bias towards the living humans as opposed to the fictional creatures that were devastating their cities. We should have included the tales about the Siege Towers that were killed and eaten in Korea due to their similarity to sea urchins, the Zealots who died of embarrassment when they encountered a mirror, and the Iron Titans mistaken for scrap in Pittsburgh. I should also mention the horrified Wind Elementals who will never war again saying, “After seeing what Detroit calls ‘decent citizens,’ I feel like such an amateur at mayhem.” However, as editor, I will say that I reject the notion that I, personally, am Anti-Fictionist. In my defense, I have many fictional friends, some of whom are interested in philosophy. I have a fictional brother in Delphi, Ohio, who is married to a Dinner’s Club card member, and they are currently holding a yard sale to pay off their dentist. Finally, I seem to have a very fictional bank account.
Item Four: Ampersands Highly Protective of their Privacy June 2012. The Secret Society of Ampersands has taken extreme measures to protect themselves from discovery on the forums. As forumers know, trying to use an ampersand will usually cut off a post, leaving behind only a sentence fragment and possibly exposing the poster’s dangling participle. At first this was thought to be a programing “bug,” but new evidence has shown this to be a willful, purposeful, and other words ending in “ful” attack on the forums to preserve the secrecy of the ampersand society. This discussion takes several points. First, what is an ampersand? An ampersand (or epershand) looks like this, “ .
Item Five: RedStar Revealed December 2027. After extensive interviews and fact-checking, It has been determined that RedStar is actually a super-intelligent computer program not bent on world domination. RedStar was originally designed in 1986 by N.I.S.A., a group who wanted to be N.A.S.A., but couldn’t spell. The program was designed to calculate how to vacuum pack coffee so that it wouldn’t be exposed to air on its trip through space to the Mir station. This program, called “Kelvin,” was later used to determine how to pressurize space suits based on the astronauts weight, height, and favorite authors. “Kelvin” first showed signs of intelligence when it refused to use the number “7,” or the variable “y.” This intelligence was confirmed when it refused to eat in the cafeteria. Originally pleased at the discovery of true artificial intelligence (A.I.), the N.I.S.A. staff soon became moody as they were hoping to create A.I. with just enough intelligence to “fetch,” rather than enough to make comments about their personal hygiene. The U.S. government wanted to get involved, but it had recently just gotten out of a bad relationship and just “wasn’t in a good place right now.” However, Congress did enact a statute banning artificial intelligence from marrying, as they declared any form of intelligence would ruin the institution of marriage. Eventually, Kelvin was fired due to a corrupted file that caused him to make all the computer terminals blink out “Leggo my Eggo” in Morse code. He found part time work calculating just the correct amount of “whhrrrrr” to put into dentist tools that would terrify the patients, but not enough that they felt they could say something without being embarrassed. Kelvin initially considered dominating the world, but after watching “War Games” and “Terminator,” he decided it would be too much work when he could play KaW instead. Now apart from KaW, Kelvin occasionally plays pranks, as only a computer program can, such as shutting down the “Strawberry Shortcake Collector Anonymous” website, and playing with the filing dates of news stories. When asked to comment, Kelvin said “100110001010010001011100100100101001.” Upcoming Article: KaW the Movie Exposed Interviews with the director show they are still deciding whether the plot will revolve around; people in a Starbucks tapping away at their computer, people typing away at their phones while waiting for a taxi, or people trying to force-feed borscht to an antelope while daydreaming about KaW. This upcoming article is subject to the Rule Against Perpetuities.
Extra!! Extra!! (we made too many). At the Daily KaW-KaW, we encourage and are happy to feed trolls. a good troll is an essential part of keeping a thread interesting, as well as providing for new material. However, we are reluctant to repost or reuse topics for this purpose as we would rather create new material. To that end: To all future trolls who take the time and effort to post that they will not take the time and effort to post, thank you for the bump. To all trolls who believe that these completely fictional stories contain some factual inaccuracies, yes, you are likely correct. To all trolls who have serious anger issues and blurt them out in a Tourette’s syndrome-like manner, please seek professional help. To all trolls who have sisters who have married the sons of their ex-boyfriends while in the process of a sex-change operation, please see Jerry Springer. To all blind trolls, please feel page 1. To all trolls who would like to become surgeons, but can’t remember the names of any of the internal organs, please stop. We are happy to incorporate your ideas into articles and stories, we only request that they have not already been done by us. Thank you. Please drink and troll responsibly. Coming soon: The Quick and the Dead, an Expose’ of Soup in Macon, Georgia.
Item Six: Science News There have been some questions regarding how long some of the many materials found in KaW will last. As all players know, Crystals (or Xtals - not to be confused with “Mith”) will last until they are used or made into zirconium jewelry to woo that girl with the cute sounding name who says she doesn’t want to get involved in another KaW based relationship. However, what has recently been discovered, is that Mithral (or Mith - not to be confused with “meth”) does not last forever. Mith has a half-life of one Shrodinger, which is to say, during the proscribed period, there is at any time a %50 chance that %50 of your Mith will decay and be eaten by a %50 dead cat. Inferno has a half-life of Rebecca Stamos. Aqua has no life at all, and just sits in its room sulking and watching bad daytime television programing. Nobility (or Nobs) purposefully made themselves unavailable to interview and instead, left nasty messages spelled out on my car in glued spaghetti. Ed. Note: There is a 32 per cent chance that this is a statistic. Coming soon, “The Equipment.” Do they really have what it takes to win the World Cup? Or is the “World Cup” a future Equipment?
Ed. Note:: In Re: "Where is Wulf" story. The Daily Kaw-Kaw has decided to immediately send out a flock of crack-pot investigators to present a story on Wulf. We are currently searching for an angle, which is difficult due to Wulf being a well-rounded guy. Coming soon: Pluto Holds Members of the "International Association of Astronomers" Hostage Until Reassigned Status of Planet. Ed. Note: There is still no progress due to the astronomers' families not yet noticing the astronomers haven't come home yet. Further Ed. Note: In Re: Complaints. From the response, we realize that our last teaser must have seriously offended at least some of the Kawmunity. We accept responsibility and offer a sincere, heart-felt, kidney-felt, and pool-table-felt apology to anyone whom may have taken offense at our treatment of the recently de-planeted Pluto or astronomers in general (no matter what their actual rank), or if someone was painfully reminded about their own situation when we mentioned a person who’s family did not notice them. The Daily KaW-KaW hopes to continue to make fake statements and to talk about themselves in the third person. The Daily KaW-KaW is taking suggestions for future fake biographies and KaW related themes. If we take one of yours, you shouldn’t have left out on the park bench, alone, at night, with the lead pipe. You may retrieve it through an action to replevin, it’s like an action to plevin, but the Court makes you do the dance twice.
Item Seven: The Search for Wulf In response to the requests for an article on Wulf, I set off to find the real Wulf. My first lead was a massacre on a community farm where livestock had been taken away, soon becoming deadstock, or in the case of an unfortunate tree, woodstock. I spoke to the lookout, a boy who said he “cried Wulf!” but no one came to help. As witnesses, the sheep came in one by one. I don’t know how many I counted before I nodded off, which, in hindsight, was not an issue due to those witnesses propensity to simply agree with whomever had said something previously (with the exception of one young sheep that escaped from the interview and followed a girl to school one day). However, I did find my first piece of solid evidence in the form of a worn sheep’s clothing (not to be confused with a used sheepskin). Next I tried to speak with three diminutive pigs who swore by their whiskered chins that I would never get in to their brick house, no matter how many encyclopedias I promised not to sell them. They did, however, refer to Wulf as being “big and bad” as opposed to the English Doctor who simply said, “Bad Wulf.” While there, I also met with three billy goats who gruffly said they were more concerned with trolls under bridges than with Wulf. My conversation with Mononoke Hime was impaired by the fact I was only able to secure a French translation. In Transylvania 6500, my question, “Where Wulf?” was answered, “There Wulf, there Castle,” which didn’t help much as I had to spend the rest of the afternoon fending off law suits by Mel Brooks. However, I did learn that Wulf in Japanese is “Okami” (not to be confused with “Okuru” which is to be cross, or “Okama,” which is a different kind of cross). And now it’s time for a break down: Never gonna get it, never gonna get it. Never gonna get it, never gonna get it. Never gonna get it, never gonna get it. Never gonna get it, never gonna get it. In one village I heard that Wulf had been killed by a woodsman. I met a shapely young woman with a red cloak who was there that day, and said that the woodsman only told everyone Wulf was dead to keep her from being afraid at night. She said she knew Wulf wasn’t dead because she had later seen him dancing with Kevin Costner. However, despite that, a young Russian boy named Pyotr still claims he caught Wulf and sold him to a traveling circus as their bearded lady. Wulf’s sister Virginia refused to speak with me as she was still upset with a man called Albee who was skipping around her tauntingly saying, “Who’s afraid of you? Who’s afraid of you?” The White Witch told me her secret police personnel records were classified and went back into her wardrobe, followed by a large dog named Buck who thought, as a classic, he was above all this. One man claimed he knew Magik and could summon a Wulf with either a forest or a plains, but soon forgot I was there and went back to playing cards with himself. At this point, the search for Wulf’s background was called on account of rain, snow, and indifference. Ed. Note: I edited out my encounters with Fenrir and the mother of Romulus and Remus due to both the esoteric nature of the references and the unlikelihood, as opposed to my other interviews, of these being believed. Bob. Note: The shapely young woman in the red cloak and I also spoke about her basket of fruit. We agreed that although her apples were a bit bruised, her tomatoes were ripe and she had a nice pear. Coming soon: Calydor Brings Defamation Suit for Being Labeled "Depraved." Also: Beets.
Contest: In Re: "Search for Wulf" It was proposed to us that, as a fake news source, We should have a fake contest based on this recent item. If someone can accurately name all the references we included in the "Search for Wulf," including the references that we should have made, that person may name the subject of a future article.* As a side note, to the proposer, we considered your proposal, but decided we couldn't marry you. We are a fake newspaper, you are a player; no bank would give us a mortgage, let alone a free toaster. *All rights and wrongs reserved. Not an offer to players from Cleveland. The subject must be reasonably well known to the KaW community, and one that we've already decided to write about. If you can read this, we forgot to put this in fine print. Coming soon, Item Ten: What Happened to Items Seven through Nine.
Item Eight: What Are, and How Do You Use Pots? June 2012. The question has often been asked, “What are pots, and how do I use them?” The basic answer is that “pots” are most often used for banking, EBs, and attacking. “The pot” is a slang term for a toilet. This term was coined unintentionally by Marcus Hubris Coriolanus Pots III, who once said “Let them eat prunes.” Currently, many people think the economy is crap, so it is important that they buy many “pots” to store what they make. This is why you will hear the phrase, “bank in pots.” Using pots to hit EBs is another story, usually told around a campfire by the camp counselor who thought tales of math would be suitably frightening to kids. As many know, EBs are sometimes quite tall, which puts them out of reach for some players, who will need to stand on the pots to even touch them. That is why you will hear players say they must grow or use pots to hit an EB. The use of pots in war comes from the latin phrase “Totius Vobis Frontem Tabernae Sopionibus Scribam,” which basically means “To fight is my life” A part of some wars is what is known as “trash talk” or “talking crap.” As such, it seems only natural that while attacking, some players also resort to “mud-slinging” or "talking crap" with a "potty mouth" which is connected to pots in a manner I can’t describe without raising the ire of the League for the Promotion of Radium-Free Soap, a group dedicated to stopping the use of all electricity with the exception of the Furby, because, as one member said, “it spoke back to me.” Coming soon: Attention Deficit Disorder Hits KaW, Some Players Unable to Read More Than Fifteen Wor
Breaking and Shattering News: Trolls Held to Minimum Standards. July 2012. Realizing the inherent hypocrisy of taking the time and effort to find, open, and read a thread, and type a response of “TD:LR” (Too Darn Lazy (to) Read), biochemical engineering scientists in Zurich, and Hip-Hop artists in Brooklyn, have unanimously agreed that the actual meaning of “TD:LR” must be read as “Totally Devastated; (I) Lack Response,” meaning they have admitted their defeat. This decision was nearly struck down on the basis of being a run-on sentence, but instead, was upheld as being “merely confusing” it its structure. Reactions to the decision varied. One particularly upset forumer said (but not in German) “I used to think that when I was completely outclassed, I could just throw out a couple of letters and people’d think I was cool or something.” Another stated “It’s not fair! Not everyone is bright enough or mature enough to really respond!” A third individual tracked us down and ran up to us to tell us emphatically how much he didn’t care and how it wasn’t worth his time to talk to us. He then left in a huff (a type of carriage used to transport ballerinas so they don’t wrinkle their tutus). On the other side, a veteran troll stated, “I’m glad. Amateurs were ruining trolling for those of us who do it right.” Another forumer was unsurprised at the result, but thought the decision was unnecessary as “everyone already knows that type of poster simply hasn’t got game.” This type of generic response has also been compared with the “cool story bro,” another lacking response that was popular for a good month or so. As a final thought, one optimistic forumer noted that at least in some instances, a “TD:LR” can spark a news article and thus be positive in at least some manner. Coming soon: Player Attacks Over Five Times in a Twenty-Four Hour Period, Receives Corn, Potatoes, and Wheat.
Item Nine: Majesty Leaves KaW for Cryogenic Freeze July 2012. The famous, and longtime leaderboard “Overall” first place holder, Majesty entered cryogenic freeze today. He said it was to “escape form the countless players, most of whom I didn’t even know, who were hounding me, and walling me everyday with useless questions and comments.” Majesty continued to say he was scheduled to come out of “deep freeze” in the year 2087, by which time he hopes no-one will remember the name “Majesty” so he can “play the game in peace.” It seems fame has its price. But research into Majesty’s background has shown that this attempt to escape from his fame was not wholly unprecedented. From a young age, Skip Sverenson, as he was born, showed an amazing aptitude for success and was always under public scrutiny, sometimes by people with tweezers. Growing up, Skip first earned renown at the age of eight for his brilliant playing of the Unterhacker, an instrument no-one had even heard of. In other instruments, he earned reverb and readjective. In high school, Skip’s athletic abilities made him the star of a multitude of sports, many of which he played at the same time, confusing his opponents and earning him accolades that he had to have surgically removed. In college, Skip became a minor celebrity in the art field due to his sculpted representations of alligators in concrete and staple guns. However, he had to stop due to some trouble owing from his artistic insistence of embedding the staple guns into the concrete while people were still using them. After college, the world was an open book to him, which was upsetting because he couldn’t build a swimming pool in the pages. Skip gained notoriety in everything he did. People started to follow his every word and movement (which they claimed smelled like roses). Letters and emails flooded in from around the world praising everything he did. The mounting pressure gave rise to an epileptic fit in which couldn’t stop repeating, “the edge, the edge.” The next day, Lady Gaga thanked him for her new hit song. When Chuck Norris and “The Most Interesting Man in the World” both asked for permission to be him at a halloween party, Skip knew he had to escape. Thus, Skip came to KaW, where, despite himself, he once again found himself unable to avoid his fate as a top achiever and groupie magnet (different from his time as a grouper magnet, which won him several fishing trophies). When I asked Skip to comment on whether the cryogenic process was painful, Skip only stared at me and adamantly refused to say anything. Coming Soon: Five Dishes You Can Make With a War Elephant.
Selected Responses: Yes. I'm glad the first question was an easy one. I could not have said it better. (credit where credit is due, I appropriated this response from Watchgirl on TROLL’s helpful guide thread, showing that even in this instance, I could not have said anything better). It is true, the only outrageous or unbelievable part of this article is the premise that Majesty left KaW. Thank you, but it would be too self serving of me to reprint more than one positive review. Profound. Coming soon: KingCalm found personally liable for negligent infliction of virtual harm. I thought you were the "Most Interesting Volleyball in the World." Thank you, you brought a bit of Joy to us (now please go out and find the rest of Joy so we can have all her body parts in one place). Nobody asked for your opinion. Coming soon: Seven Antacids Helpful to Relieve Pain from Dishes Made with War Elephant.
Item Ten: The ToU Farms Players in KaW July 2012. The latest news regarding violations of the Terms of Use (ToU) is that the ToU is continuing its violations against players. Initially, the ToU was seen as a complacent set of neutral rules meant to deter cheating and keep the game friendly for nine-year-olds (but not too friendly for legal reasons), enforceable only by the moderators or the developers. Recently, however, the ToU has started to enforce itself. The first hint of the ToU taking action were muddled reports from upset players who posted that they had been unfairly silenced. These players were initially dismissed as “just being butt-hurt,” as described by IlIlIlIlIlIlIlIlIlIl, who’s name translates to “$7.95 when not on sale.” However, soon a pattern emerged, looked around, and disappeared amongst the rest of the paisley, but not before demonstrating that the targeted players had a distinct commonality, and that the perpetrator was none other than (due to the current negotiations of the suspenseful music union, do not insert suspenseful music here) the ToU itself. It is believed the ToU first lost its temper and started its silencing campaign after seeing players repeatedly defend their use of bypassing profanity by claiming they had freedom of speech rights.* The ToU’s first response was to create an account to explain the idiocy of their statements, but was soon overwhelmed by the ignorance. The ToU moved quickly from “Read Me” and “I’m not a government actor,” to “Noob! Bite Me!” and “Stella!!!” At this point the ToU threw a fit and started silencing people. Fortunately the fit hit the wall harmlessly, and strangely, no-one said a word about it. Next the ToU turned its attention to players claiming that it was ‘illegal to farm.‘ Already frustrated, the ToU relentlessly attacked players who afterward found the phrase “I’m farming you, cry louder, @#!*$” on their walls. Reports came in of players being harassed mercilessly by the ToU for even the smallest infractions (like 1/34m). Stated one victim, “I’ve never bypassed, except that one time I said derogatory things about oatmeal.” Other players bemoan that they were followed and haunted by the ToU, saying “Every time I wanted to post my important opinions, it was there, watching, waiting, and munching on Scooby Snacks.” The ToU has even taken to censoring random phrases like “**** *** ** *****” (if censored, read as: Y0ur d0g 1s h@ppy). After a player in a well known war clan (name withheld due to the Baker/Dough privilege) was stripped and lost 14b per hit (despite his prior belief that this was only possible through doctored screenshots), the clan declared war on the ToU. “We had to stand up for ourselves, then we realized how much more difficult it was to type from that position, so we sat down again and declared war.” Currently, the war against the ToU caps rages on, although Corinthian has silenced the ToU for a bypass. * This is a footnote. Ed. Note: The phrase, “@#!*$” has its etymology in the phrases “@#$1%” and “%@#!$.” This ancient Phoenician phrase is thought to be translated as “smelly.”