Condemned Story and Feedback

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by -Deadly-, Mar 13, 2012.

  1. Well, I wrote a story for English class one day, and I did not like it, so I completely erased it and started again. The only thing that I kept is the general idea, which I happened to quite enjoy. Anyways, I will post updates as soon as I can. Please also post feedback here; I can edit the original post whenever I am on a computer. Anyways; Enjoy! Please, I beg you guys to post suggestions as to how i should continues the story, because it can't hurt and is always helpful! :D (remember guys, constructive criticism!) Also, people like d_bo_assassin are welcome, just ignore it if you do not wish to see it.
    ___________________
    Condemned.

    ~Intro~


    “Die! Die!” howled the crowd, while I tried to conceive of a way out. It was a nice day, excluding the mob thirsting for my blood. I mean, really. The warm Texan sun was shining, and there were all sorts of interesting plants around. I know Jill would have liked that. The plants, I mean. She wanted to become a biologist. Shut up, I thought to myself, even the diktaattori haven’t uncovered the power to bring back the dead. Anyways… where was I? Sorry, I’m a bit disoriented; I just woke up to all of this only a few minutes ago. Oh yeah, the crowd looked a bit shy of a couple hundred, all of them completely pissed at me. There would most definitely be more if it hadn’t taken place in the middle of a desert somewhere in western Texas.

    Anyway, I was desperately searching for my partners in “crime”. I saw Jason and Robert, raising their fists to fit in, but John was nowhere in sight. Jason looked on in agony - After all, I was going to die- and Robert appeared to be… I don’t know, hopeful, for some reason. I think he might have betrayed me... I don’t know. I don’t even know how long I was out. I looked down at the gallows beneath my feet. So, this is the price for defying the great diktaattori? I thought to myself. Tears rolled down my cheeks as the thick rope was hung around me, and the bristles bit into my neck. I failed them. all of them. I tried to save them all, but I couldn't.

    Maybe you can. I am sending this mind-message, please, if anybody alive reads this, please, help them. Help them in my place. Let me tell you the Story, because I bet you’re wondering what’s going on right now. Let’s go back a bit, shall we? Let’s go back to that day, that day that started it all…

    Friday, November 23, 2052. The Day.

    --~End Intro~--

    I hope you enjoyed it! again, feedback is most welcome!
     
  2. It's odd... Me Gusta.
     
  3. eh, i guess that's just how i am ;)
     
  4. ._. What did i do?
     
  5. I liked it... Lol, chant die. How kind. xP
     
  6. Haha, yup :3
     
  7. Itera!!! Itera!!! Woo!!

    Me likey....

    ~
     
  8. Miss Dead Cat speaks Latin...
     
  9. Any ideas on how i should start this, where he should live? i already got an idea, but it doesn't hurt to ask, it could even be a better one! :)
     
  10. Bump teh bump